This Love Is A Symphony

I am living. I am fully alive, and I can breathe again, with the life he has have given me. He once told me he didn't know how he lived before me, and he realized he hadn't. I have come to realize that because we were created to love each other and only each other, we were never completely whole except through Christ. We have discovered the other half of our life source, each other. God has breathed into him and made him alive, and we have become fully alive through Him. It was as if my whole life suddenly worked, things made sense, I could see. This is why I need him. A day gone by without him is a day not fully lived. I am barely breathing without him here. God has been so gracious to he and I in our time apart, with the help of a lot of communication it makes this pain somewhat bearable, but the truth is, I miss him.

There is a moment before the music begins, it's the low tuning of instruments, quiet whispers among the listening audience, a song in it of itself. This builds into a set of music that has built upon itself and built upon itself until all the players are in perfect harmony, each set of musicians playing their role in what is a very powerful and moving piece. None of this move into something extraordinary could happen without the conductor. The conductor stands at his ready, and I am convinced that he delights in that low roar that builds up in the music hall, he smiles at the sound of the music groaning in anticipation for his next move.

And so we are, created to create, or rather, reflect the music.
The audience waits.
The musicians stand their ready, and fire their music into the hearts of men at the command of their leader.

The Soundtrack for Today -The Duke!

As the moon draws waves in
I am drawn beside you
It's not that I'm dependent
I'm just learning to love you

You call me from your deep soul
It's deeper than the ocean
It's not that I'm dependent
I'm just learning to love you

There's no excuses I can see
But love is hard to do
I've read a book or two
But our story works as long as you
Don't settle for the best
Choose me above the rest
But I want you to be sure about it

So as the mood draws waves in
I draw you beside me
I don't mean to annoy you
I'm just learning to love you

There's no excuses I can see
But love is hard to do
I've read a book or two
But our story works as long as you
Don't settle for the best
Choose me above the rest
But I want you to be sure about it

I'm just learning to love you
I'm just learning to love you

-Duke Special, Regarding the Moonlight in Eastbourne

Smile

When you are bleeding and bruised from it all, on the ground and barely breathing, the one throwing the punches will realize he has lost the fight, when he sees you smile.

Smile because you are fighting something bigger than yourself
Smile because you know integrity enrages the unjust
Smile because you already know the end to this story

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matthew 5:11-12

"There he goes, off to write that hit song 'Alone In My Principles'..."

Really though this is a great song, the man has an amazing voice and conviction
Ray LaMontagne-Hold You In My Arms

The Not Much Blog

I am convinced every person in the blogging community writes a blog on New Years day, because let's be honest, we all have an opinion and we are all filled with hope about this year to come.
So what the heck, here goes nothing...

I can hardly look forward to what is to come because it can get so overwhelming, but what I can do is look back. I can look back at the growth and love I have learned, the things I saw and experienced. I saw the moonrise over the sierras, I slept on the beach in Monterey, I planned a surprise party, I messed up, I gained vision, I fell in love...I lived my life.

I am still uncertain of what God has for me, but I am certain of one thing, it is worth looking forward to.

So, as this first day of the year comes to a close, make some resolutions, and try and keep them for once, be realistic about your goals. Heck one of my goals is to learn a little more Spanish, not the whole language, just a few more phrases. Something like that.

Discover something new about somebody, people are much more complex than we give them credit for. I have learned so much about Justin in a year it blows my mind. Oh my Justin, what a wonderful man he is. I am so looking forward to what God has for us. He has been all I needed and more this last year and the blessing God has promised me. If you all could be praying for him and his application for the Culinary Institute in Napa. He will find out when he is accepted in March and until then it is a test of patience for us both. Also just prayer that he will get financial aid coverage and things would move along at a steady pace for him.

The man bought me a plane ticket to come out to Holland and go to Winter Fantasia with him! Best Christmas gift ever. So, I feel a bit spoiled. I feel like half a person without him here, so by that point it will feel great to be whole again. New years resolution #2 , love my Justin.

Well, I am feeling very random about this blog, it isn't making much sense, thus, the "not much" blog.

I will close with something I have had on my heart, and I hope it carries me through to next year.

There is a point in every persons life that requires a significant amount of bravery. The moment we allow God to work in us to fight for what is just and right. For some, I believe, this moment is just a moment, for others it is a lifelong accomplishment. There is darkness around and we cling to what we know, what comforts us, but we could become cowards in our comfort. We are made valiant by what we love, and we love because we were made valiant. God created us to inspire, to motivate, I hope that I can always be that for somebody. Do something that takes bravery, and courage this year, something that seems crazy. We live for an adventurous God, let Him prove Himself to you as a hero, a rescuer. Let God stir something in you, return to His living water. There is something insane about standing before something extraordinary, standing on the edge of all you know....jump.

I love him

and that's all I have to say about that :) yay for a day on the town tomorrow!

Quiet Intruder

The things that cannot hide are honest.

I am continually baffled by the human heart and it's capacity for love. I feel like sometimes as I make myself vulnerable to honesty and to love, I am filled with all the more desire for love itself. So, because I feel like being honest and showing love in such a season as this. I will express with what little words I have the love that I feel.

The snow fell quietly the other night. It had melted by the morning, but what I got to see was worth it. I am reminded of one winter I was waken up around 3 a.m. by mom. It was the first snow of the year in our new house and she sneaked into my room and kissed my forehead and whispered "It's snowing out bean!" the two of us crawled up to my window and gazed out like little children as our breath fogged up the glass. After I crawled back into bed she looked back at me and smiled and I fell asleep listening to her feet make their way up the stairs. When I woke up in the morning the snow had melted away and it was almost our little secret that their was any snow at all. She smiled at me in the morning and I smiled back as if we were part of some sort of secret club of midnight snow observers. That memory came back to me, as many do, by a simple reminder. I am so thankful for her wonder. I hope to always carry wonder like that and make it as contagious as she did. Thank you mom for wonder.

Over the last few weeks Justin and I have been reading together and it has really filled me with a sense of purpose I have not had in a very long time. He has a way of making me strive to be a better person and in the long run I can see how God's hand is drawing us closer. He has a feeling of familiarity about him, a similar feeling to what it felt like to feel snow for the first time, to cozy up to the fire, it's hard to explain, but he is bringing me back to what it's like to be loved and in wonder all at once. We are part of a secret club, and once you fall in love, you know what it is like to be a member haha. So, as a couple we could like to ask for your prayer, whomever of you would read this, for continued clarity and God's calling in our lives. I have never seen myself as much of a mushy person, who am I kidding, but the man has a way of making me feel like the woman I was made to be, I see God working in that heart of his and in mine and I am reassured daily of God's hand in our lives. Thank you Justin for your patience, encouragement, knowing what I need when I need it amazingly, and loving every part of me :)

I have had quite some time for prayer and reflection the last few months and as the new year approaches I am looking back at all God has done in a year and I am in absolute amazement of his grace and mercy. To see the healing he has brought my family and the strength when we needed it, especially during these holidays, is overwhelming. My family overwhelms me sometimes with just how many of us there are, but that is all the more hands to hold you when you are really going through it. And since I am going along with this secret club thing, well, family...you know what it's like to be an exclusive member of the five families (Gutierrez/Evans/Lassos/Sanchez/Castellanos) ;) we need jackets! To my older siblings, thank you for your quiet prayers and support, to the younger, thank you for your tender hearts. To dad, thank you for your hope in me. To all the rest of you crazies, thank you for allowing me to dream.

Maybe the comparison I am about to make is cliché, but it is best how I know to describe how God has been to me lately. I give many thanks to Justin for pointing out the beauty of silent snowfall. When you look outside at the snow falling down it is this mad fury of white, a beautiful chaos of complete silence. The rain pounds, and thunder roars through the sky, but the snow, is silent. It quietly blankets the ground and brings the blinding white to everything, all the dead trees, all the dusty ground and dreary sky, it consumes it all. God has invaded in a similar way recently, sometimes it is hard to see if He has made any progress in me at all until I take a step back from my human understanding and look at the extent of His work, he has been a silent intruder, quietly blanketing all that consumes my life until there is nothing left to see but Him. Thank you God for redemption.

You can't hide the snow, it is bright, bold, and well...honest.

Something To Think About

This Cannot Suffice

It's when you fall in slow motion
It forgives
It's in his embrace
It's unhindered laughter
It's when you cannot breathe and don't notice
It is honest
It encourages
It does not abandon
It's a blushed cheek
It's a whisper
It's a random smile on the drive home
It's the reminders throughout the day
It has a scent
It burns sometimes
It's in the kiss
It doesn't lose potency
It makes you brave
It has no bounds
It is kind
It is something familiar
It is something extraordinary
It's how we survive
It's worth dying for
It's how the snow falls silently
It's how your eyes shine and gaze back
It's why we live
It's why we die
It is.

....Thank you.

Peter Rollins On Irony

I had the privilege of having Pete as a speaker on my DTS, if you can get past the thick and quick Northern Irish accent, he is quite a brilliant fellow. Enjoy :) ....imagine trying to take notes to this guy!

"My apartment has many leather bound books, and smells of rich mohogany"

Is who I am becoming who I want to be?
After asking God for an awareness of who I am, how I react, how I progress, I have come to the humble conclusion, I am not all that fascinating. I lack color and vibrancy. I am not electric. When I pray for the Holy Spirit, I illuminate.
As human beings we are just that, beings. We are complex, yes, but we are not alive. You can see it in a persons eyes when their soul has withered. A person filled with the Spirit is intoxicating.
I want to beam. I desire so much to become the person I want to be, to just be there. I will never fully be like Christ, but in my pursuit, in the trials along the way, my prayer is that I will reflect Him. I want to grow in wisdom, be a person of character and integrity. I want to lead in my servanthood.
How I choose to react to situations alone, can tell so much about myself to strangers. I want strangers to see God in me. God is working on breaking habits, changing theories, transforming my way of thinking, and honestly, it's scary sometimes. It means admitting you're wrong.
I hear certain people speak of God, men who have studied the word, memorized it. When I listen to men who have developed their theories, who know philosophers and are Kierkegaard's themselves, I have to say, I am quite intimidated at their wisdom, or their ability to memorize things to at least sound intelligent. So much of me wants to be scholarly, to have attained a quiet sense of pride in my work. I want God to speak something profound through me. The difference between me now, and me a year ago though, is that then, I wanted God to speak through me so people would find me interesting, appealing. Now, I want it because God has placed a desire in me for others to know Him, and have relationship with Him, not a formula. I want Him to speak through me so that others can meet Him. Besides, I don't want to sound wise, I want to be wise.
God make me transparent
God make me quiet, radiant.

σπάσιμο

Hopefully after this blind dive
I will break into a million pieces
So you can put them back together
But this time with more color
A greater gift in the long run
Hopefully after this discipline
I will be what I am supposed to be
All for you and completely me

It's Raining, It's Leaving...Leafing..?

"Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile."
-William Cullen Bryant

It was a dry morning, but the sky seemed to flirt with the idea of crying. Instead it decided to heave a heavy sigh over the town and release all the loose leaves barely clutching to their branches. As I drove down Deadwood, cars passing each other tossed leaves up in a furry, the road seemed as if it were in a snow globe turned upside down. (Now is a good time to listen to Passenger Seat by Death Cab for Cutie)

In this whirl of a drive home I was feeling rather accomplished for it only being 2:15 in the afternoon. I felt accomplished in life, I felt contented in what I have become, and yet anxious to begin the new season. The leaves and later the downpour of rain, reminded me of this last week I spent in Holland, Michigan. I left for the small college town so eager to see my Justin, and tried to put aside my frustration with myself for not knowing where to go from here. For the first few days I was able to set aside reality and just enjoy being there. After some time of listening to stories of where these students were, what God was doing, and spending time with Justin, I came to realize the magnificent work God has been doing in my life. I gained some perspective while I was away from work and family. It was exactly what I needed. I fell in love all over again, with Justin, with my God. I met some truly wonderful people, that I am so privileged to have met, yet kind of sad I didn't know them earlier in my life. The time spent in worship during the chapel services made me realize just how hungry I am for deeper fellowship and a church body. Anyway, in short, I didn't want to leave. (This is when I look down and smile in slow motion)

Driving in the furry of leaves, under the purple sky, I was reminded of my last week. I was reminded of the peace of Autumn evenings. I remembered what it was like to shed my life of it's leaves. I'm ready to sit back in this mellow quieted town and paint it. I'm ready to watch them fall in slow motion, to see people move in slow motion. Part of me was dreading this next month, but I will choose to approach it with a silent wonder, and remember why I loved this season before.

Choose to love.
Choose to observe.
Choose to attain your goals.
Choose to hear the symphony.
Choose to live today, sometimes it's all we get.
....and step out of your way to hear some leaves crunch under you.

What Will You Notice?

"I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journey-work of the stars."
-Walt Whitman

When I sat in the bus station, I sat alone. Hundreds of feet, all with different shoes of different colors walked in the patterns of a shoots and ladders board across the vast, open, echoing atrium. There, in the midst of the mad scuffle, stood a lone pigeon. He stood proud as if he would call himself a dove. The one legged ragged mess of a creature stood proud, tall, and sang his song. His cooing was so soft, and he carried about him the same pride the subway singers carry, and the talented and homeless harmonica players in the park. He was not noticed by anyone, but I watched him sing tall and proud.

When I walked along the rolling green countryside, I walked alone. The sky was extravagant, plush with white clouds, painted in orange. The hills played with their shadows creating a myriad of shades of green. The sheep ran along the fence with me as I walked. Their stark white against the green made them seem even more pure. Amidst all this, there I saw him. In all the grandeur of what was around, there was a lone sheep, no bigger than a few weeks old, black as black could be, curled up under the hedge. Sleeping deeply and contently, without a care. By doing nothing, this sheep was speaking everything to me. In a world of white, of extravagance, he slept as soundly as if he were the whitest, most extravagant of them all. He slept soundly.

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven."
-Ecclesiastes 3:1

Mom used to tell me I had an eye for detail, which may be why it is hard for me to see the bigger picture. There is a lot of uncertainty in my life right now, but some things are certain. I certainly have an awesome future to look forward to. I certainly have love and support. And what might seem like a small detail in a whirl of a life, can make all the difference in the world, to the right person. The small details in God's plan for my life are making all the difference in getting me through the day, and eventually to where my heart longs to be. Small details, like a comforting meal, an "I love you", and even a cap gun.

I Want To Be The Dustiest

"When the effective leader is finished with his work, the people say it happened naturally." -Lao Tse

There was a point in my life I worked constantly for something I believed so deeply in. It was exhausting, it was challenging, it was fulfilling. I worked for something bigger than myself. I worked for a common goal. I was not alone in my work, and I was creating. To go from there to where I am now has been humbling to say the least. I know none of what I did was anything I did on my own, and it was a season of my life, just as this is a season. But to say I miss it would be an understatement.

Knowing you did something to benefit humanity, beyond your lifetime, something, that collectively with others, changes the coarse of history, must be a goal of all mankind. My latest goals have consisted of "Get the laundry done" "Take some more pictures" "Call the bank" etc. etc. A lot less elaborate to say the least. And my fear is that the leader I want to be is turning into a doormat. I am picking up slack and taking a lot of junk I shouldn't be. I am forgetting any vision I once had and getting lost in the everyday. Forgive my griping, it is the Moses in me.

However, there are certain things, certain situations, reminders, that there is purpose in everything. I am convinced my sole purpose for my time at West Coast was to speak into a persons life there. To let God speak through me to him in a way he had never known. If that is all I get out of the time there, that will be enough. I know God is using me to bless strangers daily one coffee cup at a time. I hope He can use me to speak into my family's lives, and help me find ways of blessing them.

I want to lead in the way I live, not in what I speak. I could speak a million words, but create change with the smallest gesture. I have become disappointed in other Christians, or rather, people who once called themselves Christians but decided to live their lives according to themselves instead. I could tell them that my heart breaks at their hurt, and their ultimate decision not to have a walk with God any longer. But it would not be heard. What would be heard, what would be recognized, is the love I give them anyway. That is what God has asked of me. I cannot fix anything, no matter how badly I may want to, I cannot. All I can do is love, and if I cannot learn do that, I can do nothing.

A true leader does not see themselves as a leader, and that is why they lead. I do not like being mistaken as a leader because I take initiative. In all actuality I am a coward, and I would rather follow, or encourage. Unfortunately, leadership comes with so much responsibility, and that scares me. But, once I can realize leading is not about me, it is God in me, He is my bold spirit, he is my strong heart, hope and vision, then extraordinary things will happen. In being a disciple I can lead without even realizing. Jewish disciples used to be known for the dust they would have on their garments from walking so close behind their masters steps. I hope that I can be the dustiest leader. Because I follow a King.

When I see other leaders in my life, truly influential individuals, I can learn how to best lead. My mom taught me hope. My dad teaches me grace. Shaug teaches me integrity. Amy teaches me selflessness. Angie teaches me patience. Justin teaches me love. Padraig taught me forgiveness. Alex taught me to be kind, just to name a few. God teaches me through them. I walk among giants. I surround myself with leaders. I hope that I learn from them. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, haha.

On a lighter note:
It is highly likely I will get to pick up my car this week! Ah, finally, thank you Jesus. I am done at West Coast on the 30th of this month. I am going to try and get a job at Erna's Elderberry House in the bakery. I turn 21 in 12 days...woah. Relationally, I am loving being with my family who are my greatest friends. I am very much in love with my best friend Justin. I get to go to Michigan in 30 days! Ah vacation. And of course, I am baffled at the love of my Father, His wonderful creation, and the complex wonder that is man made in his image.

Adieu

-Bean

The Long Way Home

I thought about this on my drive home from her service, it was the loveliest sunset I ever saw on that drive home. Then I thought about home.

I have often found myself feeling jealous of the kids who grew up in one house. I know I would be a very different person if I didn't experience what I did in my life. Perhaps I thought of my growing up as dysfunctional, and I just wanted normalcy. I remember being bitter about the lack of consistency in our living situation growing up. But I think about it now and realize I am am much more flexible person than most. And there was consistency in my life. In my relationships, especially between my parents and myself. There was a consistency in what home was. No matter where we were, mom was sure to set up a "nest" it didn't matter how small or how long we were there, she set up that security for us, and were only all the better for it. I find myself wanting to establish a sense of home no matter where I am. Whether it be to put up a picture frame from home, or to put a milk crate on it's side and put a pretty cloth over it for a side table next to the bed, I will almost immediately "nest" make a home wherever I am. And it's amazing to me how much more comfortable I will feel in a place knowing there is a makeshift side table next to my bed.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what I want my home to be like. And a realized I don' think as much about what I want in it, but who I want in it. I want an environment where family can come and rest, and forget about the craziness of our lives, where our daily lives are left at the door and relationships thrive. A home, where God dwells, a sanctuary in it of itself. Until that day, I have a home. Yes, I have a home now, where I feel secure, thank God. But that sense of home we all long for since we left it to be adults, that home we remember as children, I carry with me. If I can learn to let God make his home in me, I can learn to be as comfortable with myself as I am at home, when I am on my journey.

I miss home, I miss mom, she was home to me. It's my turn to create for others what she created for me. It is my turn to bless others with the sense of comfort I had. It's going to be a while before I can provide a roof and the environment I dream of, but why not provide the love I have now? That is what God has called us to after all isn't it?

Being on a journey far from home is hard, it's lonely, but there is no greater comfort than knowing out on that road there is something to come home to. While I was in Ireland I was able to rest knowing my family was home, loving on each other, and they would be there when I got back. There is nothing like the lessons learned out on the road, especially when it's a lonely road, but I am all the better a person for them.

I don't really know why this has been on my heart lately, but I can say it's a lifelong dream to have a home like the one my mom created. Things have been hard this last year, but so far, it has only become better, more like home. There is something familiar in being able to love someone. There is something like being a child again when you can laugh so hard your belly hurts, like when you did when you were little. Being able to have a conversation where you don't worry what they will think, because you know they will love you anyway, and genuinely care how you feel about something. At home, is where I can be the most real, genuine person I can be, which can be frightening at times, especially before 7 a.m. and coffee. Home, to me, has been found again. It's going to be a journey before I can have my own, but I can carry this with me now. My wonderful family, my wonderful Justin, but most of all, my God, moves me to find my way back home. And my God is all the home I could ask for.

Dream You Say?

"Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living."

-Anias Nin

Thank you God for the ability to dream, and to inspire others to do so. Thank you for placing people in our lives to inspire us to go and do amazing works through the Father. My prayer today being that our dreams, lived out, would be the highest testament to the glory of our God, thus giving us "the highest form of living", because we have blessed our eternal Father.

I know for most of you reading this there are certain things you wish to attain or accomplish in your lifetime. Some things might not happen, some may already have happened, but what have you thanked God for for coming to fruition? I have found that I have lacked this quality and need to remember to thank God for what He has blessed me with, for what dreams he has made into reality.

Thank you Father God for using me to impact other people. Even though my role was small, you used me to help heal a divided nation, which I know will go down in history, my name, maybe not, but my goal, along with thousands of others, helped change the coarse of history for that nation, ALL because of you.

Thank you Father God for love. For the ability to love, for the sacrifices that come with love, that reach far beyond my capacity to do so. Thank you for giving me the love I will need to share with others. Thank you for giving me someone who loves me, the way you intended. For making that man, a man of God, with your hand over him.

Thank you for your healing. Thank you that you bring all that is needed and then some to bring this family into your loving embrace. Thank you for the reminders of the bigger picture, and the healing that brings. Thank you for filling the emptiness that was left after her on a daily basis.

Thank you for forgiveness. Teach me everyday the grace that you give, unconditionally.

Maybe these things will spark what you are thankful for, but most of all, that it helps you to dream of even more of the things that God wants to bless us with. Even though I am so undeserving of all He has given, I am so excited to know He has even more for us.

So, prayer requests-

That I would not be anxious, but that patience would take it's place.

That Justin would gain some clarity on some big decisions he has coming up. And for clarity for Ben and Hannah

That God would open a door for the car situation

That's all for now folks ;) Send your prayers this way too!

So Long Soothsayer

"As for the future, your task is not to foresee it, but to enable it"
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

How convenient it would be to have all the answers...and how uneventful life would be. Life can be bittersweet, and it throws you curve balls, it can be adventurous, and it can be mediocre, it can be survived, or it can be fulfilled. People are inconsistent and one thing remains. There is one constant, one thing in which we all all orbit. The Son of God has proved himself over and over to man, and yet we still flurry about in a wild chase around the only steady place in all creation.

In all my meandering I have found myself returning to the calm, centered, and understanding place before God. He must be my only comparison, my only judge, my only justice, He must be what I reflect, or I will reflect something else. In this quiet place I often find myself realizing the blueprint in which I wanted so badly to know would make me miserable. I also often realize God speaks to me in the way I would best hear it.

So, from here, I will pick up myself up from the bootstraps, and follow in the dust of my teacher. I will not know where it is I will go, but I will go. I will not let fear hinder where I go, or what I do. I will take in all He has given me to prepare me for this journey. I will let the prophets and soothsayers return to their crystal balls, I will leave the critical remarks to sit in the laps of those who make them, and focus my attention on God alone, instead of the water.

Thank you for placing the people in my life I will need most, and making this your story, instead of mine. Also, thank you for music, for giving me something to dance along to behind you :)

Daisies

“To pay homage to beauty is to admire Nature; to admire Nature is to worship God”

I am not really sure if this post will have anything to do with daisies, but I saw them as I typed the title, and to be honest, it was the first word that came to mind. I have eight fiery gerbera daisies snuggled in a cobalt blue vase at the foot of my bed, They look like the sunrise. They have begun to bow their heads one by one, day by day, until now. Today they have all decided to take their end. They are all hunched over as if to say "Aannnd scene!" They had a brilliant performance they day they were brought into my work. They were carried in by a dashing gentleman to my surprise and I have woke to their smiling faces every morning since. I was thinking about how brilliant an invention flowers are, how electric they can be.

I don't know what happened the other day at work, but it was as if I had this rude awakening. I was trimming trough pictures and I looked up and said to myself "I have to go" It was really bizarre. I got such a feeling of anxiousness. It was almost as if I was saying to myself "Aannnd scene!" It was very matter of fact, very absolute. Now I didn't just up and walk out of the place, but I did not feel a hold to it any longer. I don't know if this was a release from the Lord, or what it was for that matter. But it was a release. Maybe I have just been working too much. But I would say I am ready to take on whatever the Lord brings. I am ready to do and go where he asks. Even if it means to go nowhere. I am learning to be content where I am, and realizing life is my ministry, wherever I am. I am learning to be brilliant, to be electric. And there is no way I get to bow my head, until I have fulfilled my purpose.

I have found something else in my life to be something of a brilliant sight. The dashing gentleman of whom I spoke of earlier was of course Justin. I am learning so much from him. I am learning to remember to recognize his love as a reflection of God's love. It can be easy to lose track of what something like what we have is. It is a gift from the Lord, and we need to acknowledge it as such. We are learning to give credit where credit is due. God has really used Justin to show me the kind of love from God I need. God is comforting, gentle, honest. I know God is going to continue to move in our relationship, and I am so blessed to know He is the center of what we are. God make us electric.

I have also noticed this week how splendid the Earth is. How overwhelming my thoughts become when I think of the balance of it all. The worship the winds create, the scent of those daisies are their song to the Lord. The poeple of this earth, when they love eachother, they are magnetic. How great our God must be to take in all that moves, all that breathes, all at once, and observe what He is has created. I wonder too, if he is still in awe at his creation, or if he weeps. I know there is good left in this world, there is beauty in simplicity. I know there are troubles, but but is there enough love, enough good still that He can hear the worship amidst the shadows? I think sometimes of the memory of my mom, and I feel that hurt, but it is amazing how much better I feel just after spending time by her tree next to the creek. I am convinced she could hear the Lord speak in the sound of the water running over the stones in that creek. I can too, if I can learn to be quiet enough. Thank you God for the extravagance of your creation, and how it heals.

Those daisies are sleeping, I should too. Thats all for now :)