Keeping A Promise

I have had many requests of me in my life. The hardest I was ever asked to fulfill was to keep singing. "Sing" she asked me. "Don't stop singing" she reiterated a few days later. So I sang for her that next week, every day, while we were alone. "Pretty" the last thing she spoke to me.

It's hard to sing anymore.

Yesterday I sang the last song I ever sang to her at a wedding I went to. I wasn't alone. The whole crowd was asked to sing this hymn, so I sang along, not realizing how quickly that song hit me right in the gut. As I sang, a little girl with blond hair in a blue dress, about five years old turned around and watched me sing. As she shyly smiled behind the seat back I smiled back. I remembered being that little girl, dressed up, looking admiringly upon older girls, wanting to be grown up, wanting to sing.

I watched my good friend get married to a wonderful godly man. I remembered my wedding and how it seems some days like it has already been years. I watched my friend get ready amidst the chaos. I watched her mom help her into her dress. I watched her mom more than anyone else at the wedding. I watched as her mother's tears fell down her smiling cheeks, as she looked so admiringly upon her only daughter.

When I stood behind the door to the isle I would walk down, I had a moment to take everything in. My dad was on his way, everyone was sitting in their seats, waiting on me. I stood there in silence, the quietest part of my whole wedding day, alone. I asked the Lord if he would please let my mom watch, as I married the man she always wanted for me.

I miss her, every day.

Mom, you can know I won't stop singing, I promise. I have a husband now who loves to hear me, and asks me often to sing for him. I hope you know how happy I am these days. I hope you know I think of you everyday. I hope you know I can't wait to see you again. We will have a reunion like when I came to the hospital and saw you for the first time since I got back from Ireland. Your feet kicking hands waving crying hysterically and laughing at the same time. I am sorry for everything I ever said that hurt you. I hope you know how much I love you. Thank you for this legacy, I will do my best to make you proud, to follow our Father, to love my husband and my family, until I see you again.

Father I will reflect and shine, I will illuminate, I will sing, for and because of you.

The lilac tree in the parking lot is shaking away the bees, or maybe the wind is just dancing with it. Either way, it is captivating because it is doing exactly what it should be, blooming in all it's glory. There is nothing like watching creation do what it was meant to, watching it all in play. There are waves of sadness and joy, heartache and grace, that flood into you day after day, and push you further into the longevity of your life, that shape and mold you. At the very least I feel like I am being pulled down river in my life. As exciting as it seems, I am scared at times of what will be around the bend and I can't help but think about what seemed so fleeting upstream. However, this is life at it's most beautiful, rushing, flowing, carving, constant.
How to I, Korina Barigian, play into this wild river? How do I keep my head above the water? I let the water take me. I don't know where I fit in. All that I know is that I am to love my maker. It is so easy to do and so hard to do at the same time. Jesus why do you choose to love me? How can I love you better?

I came home yesterday to a completely clean home and a note that began "My beautiful bride" and I fell asleep to the swollen heart of my husband who was overwhelmed by the love of our Father. How did this happen? How did I become so blessed? I can't do much, but I certainly can love my Justin. He is the one thing I did right. Really, I didn't do anything, God just opened my eyes, allowed me to love and be loved. This is me doing what I was created to.
Justin was accepted into the Culinary Institute of America for the fall semester. It is some of the most exciting news we have received in a while. We are waiting on the financial aid and more information before we can start making some big decisions. We are waiting on the Lord about buying a car for Justin. A coworker of his is selling a Honda. Hopefully that works out. We are the brink of a lot of change. This is the kind of life I love to live. It is risky, it takes a lot of faithfulness, and now I have a husband to share it with, one step at a time.

Personal goals
Paint more
Practice guitar more
Photograph more
Love more

New Favorites
Justin's smile creeping out from under the covers that cover his mouth
Walks through the tree covered neighborhood we live in
Making breakfast with J in our pjs
Needing to use sunglasses again
The soft hum of songs from our wedding floating upstairs while I get ready for the day
My hand held every night as I fall asleep

For now I am off to float away :)

There are things too amazing for me...

"There are three things that are too amazing for me,
four that I do not understand:
the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden."
Proverbs 30: 18-19

"How do you like married life?"

This is the most common question I hear. I remember asking it often to my newly married friends. Most often I heard "It's great, lots of compromises, but I love it." or "Sure learning a lot!"

I feel like I was prepared for a lot of little conversations of personal opinions clashing between Justin and I. I was ready to encounter many "compromises" and "learning" new things. In all honesty, I love living with my husband. Not to say my friends don't love living with their husbands, I just feel like I lucked out marrying a man with such similar living habits.

One of our favorite things is coming home after a long day of work and talking about our day, then cozying up to a good movie. We love our movies, and to tell you the truth I never would have thought another person out there would be ok with such a simple thing. Don't get me wrong, we love to go outside, weather permitting, but nothing beats a great movie. I can get a lot of criticism for it too. "Why don't you talk to each other instead?" We do! It's awesome! It's this thing called communication that we practice a lot of so we can have time for movies without neglecting each other. Plus, no T.V. in the bedroom (a rule Justin decided on before we were even engaged) I have to say, living with him is one of the easiest things I have ever done. It is new, it is a learning experience, and it is the most natural thing I have ever done.

So, my response to the most common question: "I am a HUGE fan of being married" and my response to the second most common question "When are you having kids?" (which by the way is unbelievable how often such a personal question is asked): "We are practicing" and on a more serious note, seeing as we just got married a little over two months ago, we have some time, hopefully lots of time.

So life is wonderful. I am learning more and more about the most fascinating person in the world to me. I am learning how God is speaking to me. We are really enjoying church and all its challenges for us as a married couple, and our AWESOME life group once a week. We are actively praying about the Culinary Institute of America in August for Justin. He has his application in and now we wait. We are so excited to see where God takes us, how He leads us.

Spring is right around the corner here in Bass Lake. We are so blessed to live in such a gorgeous community. Everything is getting so green and lush and lovely. I see my mom's smiling face with every post storm dramatic sunset, clouds bright and colorful. I am being challenged by the Lord in this new season of my life to daily lay down my issues and be open with my husband about what God is doing in my heart so he can better guide us and be the spiritual leader I need him to be.

As of right now I am fighting off a gross head cold, in bed, waiting for Justin to get off work, the best part of my day. It is amazing to me the depth of love the human heart can hold when the Lord has His hand on your marriage. I know this is all very new and people still call us "honeymooners" or "naive" but I cannot even fathom how I can love him more than I already do, then tomorrow comes and I am blown away at how possible it is. I know we will make mistakes, I know we will fail each other, that is simply a part of marriage. I married my best friend, and I am proud of how we did it. My sincerest prayer is that our story can be told and bless those around us. We simply cannot have what we do without our Father. God alone is what makes this possible, and because of God alone can we daily enjoy the true joyful blessing of it.

I am also daily humbled and truly overwhelmed at the amount of prayer and support we have from our family and friends around us. We can continue to love and be loved because of those in our lives as well. There are some things too wonderful for me to understand.

As soon as I get wedding photos I will post them, I am as eager as all of you to see them. For now, I am off to drug myself up ;) Yay NyQuil!