Keeping A Promise

I have had many requests of me in my life. The hardest I was ever asked to fulfill was to keep singing. "Sing" she asked me. "Don't stop singing" she reiterated a few days later. So I sang for her that next week, every day, while we were alone. "Pretty" the last thing she spoke to me.

It's hard to sing anymore.

Yesterday I sang the last song I ever sang to her at a wedding I went to. I wasn't alone. The whole crowd was asked to sing this hymn, so I sang along, not realizing how quickly that song hit me right in the gut. As I sang, a little girl with blond hair in a blue dress, about five years old turned around and watched me sing. As she shyly smiled behind the seat back I smiled back. I remembered being that little girl, dressed up, looking admiringly upon older girls, wanting to be grown up, wanting to sing.

I watched my good friend get married to a wonderful godly man. I remembered my wedding and how it seems some days like it has already been years. I watched my friend get ready amidst the chaos. I watched her mom help her into her dress. I watched her mom more than anyone else at the wedding. I watched as her mother's tears fell down her smiling cheeks, as she looked so admiringly upon her only daughter.

When I stood behind the door to the isle I would walk down, I had a moment to take everything in. My dad was on his way, everyone was sitting in their seats, waiting on me. I stood there in silence, the quietest part of my whole wedding day, alone. I asked the Lord if he would please let my mom watch, as I married the man she always wanted for me.

I miss her, every day.

Mom, you can know I won't stop singing, I promise. I have a husband now who loves to hear me, and asks me often to sing for him. I hope you know how happy I am these days. I hope you know I think of you everyday. I hope you know I can't wait to see you again. We will have a reunion like when I came to the hospital and saw you for the first time since I got back from Ireland. Your feet kicking hands waving crying hysterically and laughing at the same time. I am sorry for everything I ever said that hurt you. I hope you know how much I love you. Thank you for this legacy, I will do my best to make you proud, to follow our Father, to love my husband and my family, until I see you again.

Father I will reflect and shine, I will illuminate, I will sing, for and because of you.