There are some people who are always smiling...always. Jessica Astorga, Eric Radman, Kelli Ramsay, Angelina Gutierrez, Laura Schlett...sometimes I wonder if these people just got good at faking it, the part of me that doesn't smile that often wants to believe that. But the part of me that understands that some people, though few, can maintain joy as a gift, as in they do it better than others, it is a gift.
This next week a group of college students are being led to Queens NY to minister and serve people in need of the love of Christ. Some may have that infectious smile naturally, some may need to work on it. My prayer is that this week in particular, every smile, on every face, would catch fire, that it would spread, and that the joy of the Lord would reside in their hearts in excess so they can hand it out to all the encounter.
My heart yearns for the kind of joy and discipline it takes to be that kind of person. Not just a happy person, but a radiant person, one who can hardly contain the joy of God. It takes a closeness to the heart of God to be filled like that, so I will seek Him. Today I realized I have been wrong in a lot of ways, made some dumb decisions, and been through some pretty crappy situations, but through how many of those circumstances was I smiling? Very few, if any.
I don't want my love and need for God to be dependent on my circumstance, His love for me doesn't depend on circumstance. In my yearning for this, God has placed a man in my life, and is teaching me to love for all it means. I see Justin daily put himself on the back burner, not only for myself, but for countless others, and the amazing thing is, he doesn't even realize. He is the kind of leader that steps back so that the people he leads can be the best they can be, when they need to be, for glory of God. That is why he is leading this trip to Queens, because he can lead without even meaning to, people assume his leadership. He smiles and doesn't even realize it. It is easy to love him.
We are growing and learning everyday, and in that growth, in the midst of the vulnerability, we love each other. For someone to choose to love me even after knowing all the gross, all the human parts of me, that is the kind of love only God could provide. His smile is contagious, especially his big ear to ear grin :D
Things are hard lately, it's overwhelming to look to the future, it's overwhelming to look at the week, even today, but I am smiling. I am giddy. God's peace is astounding in these circumstances, because through all of that God isn't going to gain any glory in me being a whiner.
Ok, onto the practical update stuff...
I am going to start working full time up at Camp Sugar Pine in a bit, I will update more as that happens.
Shaug and Amy are having a baby boy! (any name suggestions?)
Shaug and Amy and I are planning out a trip to Michigan in May for Justin's grad, sooo awesome!
Justin and I are thoroughly enjoying the pace at which our relationship is going, haha even amidst many marrying friends
God is opening so many doors and closing others it's exciting
Pray for Justin's trip to NY, for safety, discernment, and many many influenced lives
Still looking for a car
Pray about a peace about the Culinary Institute for Justin, that he would get his acceptance letter this week
(we are like PB&J...we decided)
I am ready for new, I am to take His open hand, I am ready
and I will smile, even if it's not my strong suit ;)
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