"Let me know that you love me, and let that be enough"
Let That Be Enough - Switchfoot
I have been thinking a lot recently about my fear of man vs. my fear of God. Honestly I often fear peoples opinions of me, and that bothers me. Don't get me wrong, I like to be liked, but to let peoples opinion of me overshadow God's opinion, well something is wrong there. And since when was knowing God loved me not enough?
I was thinking the other day how much approval of your peers is etched into daily living. When I was 8, all that mattered was what kind of snack you brought to school, kids would heartlessly prod at you for bringing an apple, or in my case, a tupperware full of day old spanish rice...if you didn't have lunchables, you were poor. And so my entire existence was ruined by the fact that my parents wouldn't spend 4 dollars a day on a few crackers, imitation pepperoni, and processed cheese..with a side of corn syrup infused Hi-C. And in 7th grade I committed social suicide in my sneakers from Payless, instead of wearing the must-have Adidas with the two white stripes on the side. I wanted to be free of it, I wanted to be like this kid...
It is amazing what we choose to define us. But my fear of what people think has always been a factor to some extent of most of my decisions. The ones that seem crazy to me, those one's I didn't base on others' opinions of me, those decisions are the best I have ever made. The decision to go into YWAM, to move across the globe, that decision meant an abandonment of my fear of man. My life's path has taken many directions, but the ones I will never regret are the ones I chose on my fear of the Lord first.
I want God's love to be sufficient for me. When I feel like I haven't attained a worthy enough goal, I need to know that God still loves me, and He knows I haven't given up, or lost potential, or abandoned anything. In fact, I am just nearly beginning my call. My heart is stirring at what the Lord has in store.
I know I am good at a lot of little things, and for those things I am thankful, and they have purpose. For now, I await to be swept of in a grand adventure. "I call, You answer and You came to my rescue and I want to be where You are" God is preparing my heart for what I will do for the rest of my life, I may not know what it is, but it is going to seem crazy to a lot of people, even people I love, and that is ok. I am falling in love with my Father again, He is showing me love I never knew existed, and that kind of love intimidates people, it puts fear into their hearts. I want to encourage a fear of the Lord in the hearts of men...the kind of fear that overwhelms and sweeps you off your feet, leads you to fall to your knees in awe. God is sweeping over with His blessings.
Tonight I spent time with my wonderful family. I am amazed at the kind of love we all carry. I can't help but think of how happy mom must be to see us all together laughing and playing games with each other. There was so much joy in my heart today because of the support they are to me. I see God in each of their hearts, and I am amazed at where He has brought us. Praise God for all he is doing...I watched my nieces and nephews tonight amazed at how big they are all getting...especially the one in the oven ;)
Today I also thought of my Justin. He continues to overwhelm me with the kind of love He gives. I know He gets that kind of love from the Father, which is why it amazes me so much. I got to spend an amazing weekend in Holland with him and had just an incredible time. We had a blast ad I was reminded of all I love about him, especially his ability to be silly, and be a kid at heart without a care in the world :D
His encouragement through what has been a tough few weeks has been a gift and blessing beyond explanation. The joy my heart has because of him just makes me cry. I feel so undeserving of the blessing he has been. His love is simply healing. "When the love spills over, and music fills the night, and you just can't contain your joy inside, then dance for Jesus, dance for Jesus and live" My Justin, thank you for the joy you bring. I am insanely proud of you and the hard work you have done. You challenge me to hear God's voice everyday, to seek Him, and know His heart. Thank you for that. We are getting closer honey, and God is moving in spectacular ways to get us there. I love you :)Today was rainy, and with the clean air it brings I am breathing in a refreshing breath of air. I am thankful for God's redeeming love. I am thankful for the excitement of storms. For the unexpected blessing He brings, and the abandonment of my fear of man. I am thankful for a renewed perspective. Thank you God for the challenges you brought this week, hey even this year. Thank you for your love, it is enough..
"In my life be lifted high, in my world, be lifted high, in our love, be lifted high"
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