It is amazing what a difference starting your day off in the word makes. I stopped the lazy self pity sleeping in when I could and decided I didn't recognize this person I was becoming. I have been very broken and tired lately. I miss my family, and I really miss my parents. But this morning, God did some humbling through the way He speaks to me best. It rained this morning for the first time since we have been here and the first time for me since I don't even remember. “This is yours, and you have been ignoring my gift for you, now open your eyes Korina.” And there is was, this vast vividly green valley, covered in wispy fog (the pretty kind, not the scary kind) and the sun was shining briefly as if to kiss the morning goodbye not to return until it set. The wind had a chill on it but it smelled of rain on asphalt and wood chimneys. How could I deny God's work or provision? Since when was His astonishing love for me not enough? I was baffled.
A song came on from my iPod called “Over The Pond” by The Album Leaf. They write mostly ambient stuff in a language no one understand but resembles Icelandic. Anyway, this song was on this video I watched once that really convicted me and the song reminds me still of how the Holy Spirit moves, washing over you, creeping up my spine and bringing tears to my eyes. I still get the chills when I think of it. This song is on a playlist currently titled “Life's Soundtrack” The surprise song I walked down the isle to is on there and the song I first heard God speak to is on there. I would encourage all of you to make such a playlist and listen to it often...for nostalgia's sake.
Today I spent most of the day alone with Audrey. She was pretty needy today and later I realized how alike we are :S Now I am home waiting for Justin to get off of work so I can tell him how much I love him and miss him and need him. But he will say the same so it won't be so bad :)
I had a memory today as well. Holding Audrey as she slept, I remembered being cradled by my mom, I actually recalled looking up at her as she had her eyes closed and was praying. I remember her soft cold hands. I miss the comfort only a mom brings. But today, I felt like God was actually cradling me, and no matter how bad I was, how mean, all He wanted to do was hold me, and love me. Why do we fight so hard to stay awake when we are little? What are we afraid of missing out on? Maybe today I learned that I could just missing out on the embrace, the closeness, that I need so badly. Who cares that we have no money and neighbors creepy as hell, and my car sucks? At least we can eat, at least I have Justin, at least I have a car!
So, home is going to be where I make it. I carry my family with me. I have the family I need here with me, Justin and I. Justin is truly so much more of a husband than I could have ever anticipated. Loving, nurturing, strong, humble and so gracious. He is quiet gaze in the crowded room and the reason I can feel beautiful. So, for those of you wondering, almost 9 months in, being married is absolutely wonderful. We still are giddy around each other and he still makes me swoon. I hope if nothing else, we can encourage those who were in our place. Stick with it! It is so worth the long haul. The first year did NOT suck as I was frequently told and there were no huge annoyances or fights, no we aren't perfect, but we worked hard before hand so we could continue the blissful state past the honeymoon. Our love is deeper now, and we have more understanding of each other and I cannot wait to watch Justin change and grow as I do, together in the Lord. (ps if any of you out there have video or pictures of the wedding, we still have very little and would love if you shared whatever you had :D ! )
I am starting work at a chocolate company here in St. Helena on Tuesday. I will be working everyday but Thursday working there and working with Hanson's taking care of Audrey. It will be good for us.
Prayer requests:
Little Kai (Audrey's older brother) has Autism, for renewed strength for his parents and healing for him.
That God would bring financial provision for Justin and I with school payments.
That we would find a more affordable place to live closer to town if it is God's will.
That God would open the door and our hearts to a new church home.
Thank you for the continued prayers and encouragement. If any of you readers are out there, you make this worth the writing :)
Here are lyrics I have carried with me this week, in this new place.
“This time around, you can be anyone” This Time Around Helen Stellar
Live your life like you have had a near death experience, been given a second chance, each day is new. Each day a blessing, a gift, ours to glorify God...or not.
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