Today I...

Today my dog stood regally on the porch in the early morning her eyes slightly closed as if to gaze off at a far away place. The wind silently whispered its way around her and the dark sky loomed intimidatingly on. Today a bucket, two pitchers, an old pan and 2 cups served as a water reservoir. They caught the persistent leak in the ceiling. Each drip and splatter became a song in the quiet foggy windowed coffee shop. The rain came in buckets today, it pounded on tin roofs and car hoods creating a percussion of highs and lows. Today car headlights reflected off the sopping asphalt. Yellow store lights were lit from the inside out. Today the lights and reflections created a starry sky on the ground beneath the blackened sky above. Today the road became like colored glass in a dark church, or like the still ocean off the shore of the city. Today things seemed to move upside down, our town became Tim Burton-esque. Today dreams crept into reality and imaginations went wild. Lazy tired oak tress whined and moaned in their old age. Their long rigid branches creaked and curled in the damp air. Today the wind howled and whistled it's way through valleys, whispering into the ears of old homes telling them of the fury to come. Today a song was sung by creation did you hear it?
Today I listened.
Tomorrow Lance Armstrong will bicycle his way through Oakhurst with a frenzy of other persistent cyclists, creating another kind of fury. Tomorrow the song is less likely to be heard. But tomorrow, while I listen, I will dream. Tomorrow I will dream of spectacular things, where my imagination creates a place for all I miss, and that all that is familiar. Good luck Lance, I hope you hear it too, I hope you find familiar.

Who Were We Kidding

I never really celebrated Valentines Day before, but he is why it was worth the wait. Distance is difficult, but it only makes us appreciate each other more. I just thought you would all like to know why I am still smiling today :D Justin and I were back and forth for a long time without ever really realizing it. Our story has been in the progress of being written, but what has been written so far has been something worth watching. My family can attest to the devotion of this man. He waited a long time for me to just notice that he was looking my direction. But our relationship has been founded in a great friendship, and God slowly opened our eyes to something pretty awesome. Anyway, I am just thankful for everything that has happened to this point. And I am eternally grateful to our Father for guiding us through it.

Justin, when you run across this blog, know that I love you like crazy. I am taking this opportunity to brag about you to whoever reads this blog, which might total like 5 people, but either way, it is a public testament of your awesomeness :D Thank you for loving the Lord first, and being obedient to His leading. Thank you for making me feel like a million bucks everyday. Thank you for your honesty, no matter what. Thank you for choosing me. I love you my J!

-Bean

p.s. I found my old journal from high school yesterday and, go me, I dated every entry, including the day I first laid eyes on you, tryouts for Mid Summer.
November 19th 2002 also this song is for you babe

Gravity - Embrace

Life Is Bigger Than Me

To truly live life is difficult, and at times incredibly overwhelming. Here I sit, mid-week of what has become a crazy schedule. Between work and school I barely have time to breathe let alone sleep and do my homework. Somehow though, God has blessed me with little pockets of time to just take in all He is doing.

I am now working up at Camp Sugar Pine in the kitchen on the weekends. It is hard work, and then shifts are long, but it is such a blessing to have work. I think once I told my boss at the Cool Bean how much my living expenses are, she has more than doubled my work hours, which is even more of a blessing. So, I work Monday through Friday at the bean, Friday through Sunday at the camp, and go to school Tuesdays Thursdays. Phew! I thank God for the moments He has blessed me with to just stop and praise Him. The other day after work I came home to an empty house and I was so ready to just crash in bed, but like a ton weight I found myself staring outside at the gorgeous green grass and rolling hills without a cloud in the sky "Korina, go outside you idiot" So rather than doing what I would have later regretted, I propped my comfy floor pillow out on the deck and soaked in the sun, put on some music and thanked God for the blessing of His creation, for providing that half hour of rest and amazement. In that moment I thought of a lot of things, mostly of my eagerness to just be where I want to be, attain my goals, go where I am called, be what I am supposed to be. Here I am thinking of the exhaustive future, and I am missing the glory around me. Then I remembered what my mom said to me from the Lord once, and my heart was again at peace "Certainly run ahead, take in the glimpses. Dance in the journey. To attain it all, turn around, take my hand and dance with me. Not before me but with me."

There are so many things to plan and look forward to. I am dreaming big dreams with Justin, and we are both seeking the Lord's direction and asking for patience and discernment about when we will commit our lives to each other. That in it of itself is very overwhelmingly awesome, but any prayers you guys could throw out for us are greatly appreciated. He just needs some prayer for perseverance, that he could take it a day at a time and really hear the Lord's voice in his crazy schedule. Also, if you could all be praying about his acceptance into the Culinary Institute. I do not doubt his likelihood to get in, but just him knowing will set his mind at ease. It is so difficult being away from the person God is drawing you near to, but it is doing us so much good. It is just a discipline I never expected. I feel so undeserving of all God has given me with this man. I am so excited to get to go to Holland. In 16 days I will be able to see Justin again and go to Winter Fantasia with him, really I am so excited to dress up and hit the town, and see everybody I met last time all over again too. I will be sure take lots of pictures and facebook em as soon as I can, so no worries ladies, you will all get in on it ;) So, long story short, we are happily dancing in this journey with our Savior.

Life is so over my head it's amazing. All the details and all the planning and complications, and joys and responsibilities, and of course the love that goes into living. After all, God is life, so of course life is bigger than me. My only hope is that the role I am playing in it reflects my makers.

So, I heard a funny thing yesterday. Rick and Sonya Mazaira told me the latest of their daughter Zoey's awesome quotes. In the bathroom stall at Von's Zoey shouted to her mom "Mommy I am a good pooper. Pooping makes you strong!" BAH hahaha, oh man I laughed so hard when I heard that, I thought some of you might appreciate it as well. I was leaning toward retelling a joke my dad made up the other day, but I thought I would spare you all the pain and confusion :S

So, I close on my thought for this week:
Life is big and complex and loud and crazy and we all have a place in it and we all need each other...obviously. What is not so obvious, are the details we will miss in feeling overwhelmed. There could be a moment of quiet you are supposed to find, or confirmation from a friend you need to hear, if you will just be willing to see it, or hear it. This world has a lot of ugly, but it also has a lot of good. Praise God in the ugly then gain sight for the good. And remember pooping makes you stronger!