Sunny With A High of 75

The wind is blowing into my room and flirting with my wedding dress as it hangs in it's bag on the back of my bathroom door. Today is sunny and just warm enough to leave the windows open but keep a light sweater on. The aspen trees outside my slider are singing to me, they sound like when the waves roll back over a stony beach. It is breathtakingly gorgeous outside right now. The air is so crisp and cool I feel like a bi-plane ride is in order.

The Lord has so blessed me with a man who loves so strongly and passionately. Justin is working as a manager at Pizza Factory for a while and that has been a huge blessing. We are very much enjoying our engagement. I am relishing every moment I have with him while he is home from work. We are really enjoying our premarital counseling with Ryan and Christen and working toward our marriage together.

Wedding planning is coming along very well. We have been tremendously blessed with many very generous gifts to help us on our special day. I still wake up with him on my mind and he still holds a hand out in expectation and anticipation for mine everywhere we go. I am continually overwhelmed by the love and blessing of this man.

Last week I was reminiscing on how far we have come in our relationship. I thought about all of the things we have been through together and how I still know so little about the creature that is this man of God. I still feel like he is so far out of my league, but rest in confidence of his love knowing he only feels the same way about me. I see God in ways I have never known before because of Justin, and my hunger for the Lord has become more consuming. We laugh till our sides hurt, we cry when love wells in us and presses against our eyes.

I start work back at the Cool Bean Cafe on Friday morning. I am so excited to start a new journey there. I cannot wait to see what God has to say and do. I am really enjoying the company of my family today. We have almost the whole gang here tonight. Also, if you think of it, be praying for Angie and the kids. I miss her so much it hurts. Well, my fiance is home from a long day at work and pre-wife duty calls!

Enjoy this fall weather, fall in love.

I get to marry this man in 88 days...what the what?

Yeah...we have fun together, like making homemade tortillas, and laughing till we can't see straight at how silly we are, or being happy with just the quiet unspoken between us. I have an update coming soon...stay tuned :)

A Simple Seed

There I sat watching the dark sky on fire with a million shards of the sun dancing about. The wild warm night wind played with my hair and the smell of new asphalt teased my nose. In slow motion... my smile grew... bigger and bigger until there was no hiding the emerging giant grin I could no longer contain. I sat there recalling everything that had happened in the last year. My smile was now as wide as the beam of our headlights hitting the landscape racing beneath us. I looked down to try and keep my joy all to myself, like a wonderful secret. I could tell he was watching, without looking over, I could feel his gaze melt over me as he mirrored the same goofy grin....

Justin and I have been blessed beyond measure in the last few weeks. I feel an overwhelming need to share just how the Lord as been blessing us. Praise God for His new mercies everyday. His blessings have grown and grown over time, they mean more and more and become more elaborate, more beautiful, organic almost.

A few weeks ago Justin and I were at the end our rope. We had found out that he had officially exhausted every resource and could no longer attend the Culinary Institute in Napa Valley. We were both so devastated at the turn of events. We knew there was a reason as to why the funds didn't come in, why we both felt so certain only to have it taken away. We had each other and more than anything, we had the Lord. We laid it down and asked God's understanding, his blessing, and direction. As we began to pick up the pieces we began to focus on what was next. God where would you have us? How do you want us to grow? We are young, grow us in you Father.

I can't say all of our questions have been answered but the Lord has showered amazing blessings. So, Justin and I begin to focus on what we know is certain, and that is our wedding in December. I go to David's Bridal with my sisters and niece and try on a lot of dresses and my family all tells me I should try on this dress on the mannequin...which of course is WAY out of my budget..even on sale. I was a little disappointed that dress didn't work out but I leave in hopes of coming back again to find something similar.

The original plan was for me to move down to Fresno and live in Justin's old room while he was at school in Napa. In Fresno I would be working and going to school. Because it didn't work out, we needed to consider plan B. So, I transferred my units back up to Oakhurst and I am still living here with Shaug and Amy. Justin however was left praying for a new job and place to live.

Meanwhile...
My wonderful sister Angie feels a final call back to Avalon on Catalina Island. She will be moving the first of September. As hard as it is to see her go, I know the Lord wants her there, and He is going to bless her for her faithfulness in such a big move. My brother Paul, sister Angie, and my younger brother Rick all live in the same mobile house together. Now...Rick and Paul need a room mate

Pam, the manager of pizza factory is starting to think about a new hire...and recalls Justin (a previous employee of hers for years who works very hard and has a lot of potential...) Maybe she should call him... :O

A few weeks later, my brother Rick comes with me to David's Bridal to try on some more dresses. He is, after all, my man of honor. So, we try on a few more potential buys. I was blessed too because my future sister Amber came and gave a much needed balance to the viewing audience ;) Rick and Amber wanted to see the dress I had tried on the week before, hesitantly I tried it on for them. When I went back into the dressing room. I stood alone for a minute in the dressing room...

"Father...I don't know what is going on in my life right now. I feel so uncertain about everything. Please give me the strength to walk away from today feeling sane. I just wish mom could be here for this...let her see this Father, please."

I walked out of the dressing room in my shabby jeans and grey tank and got ready to leave. As I walked over to Rick and Angie, they were talking about financing options available at the store with the store sales person. Rick told me to pay the woman what I was going to pay for my dress. "Rick, what am I buying?"
"You're buying that dress Korina. It's is perfect, and you have to have it."
"I can't afford that dress"
"Yes you can...I am helping you, I've got the rest"
....WHAT?! How in God's name could my little brother make this happen?! I stood there baffled...wow. But wait! There's more! Not only was I blessed with my dream dress, I came home to an e-mail from my God Parent's saying they would print my invitations for free at their print shop...for free...as a wedding gift.

Wow Father! How you love me, how you love me...

About a week later on the drive home, Justin and I are talking about the possibility of him moving back up to Oakhurst. With each day that passes he feels called more and more to this place. We stop by Angie's house to talk to Paul, who tells Justin...he needs a house mate...hmmmm, coincidence, we think not. Now, just provide work Lord. Oh! you did already?! Oh, well ok then. Justin calls Pam at the pizza factory who had in fact already been considering Justin as a re-hire. Job, check!

Oh and hey, our wedding cake is covered...what the what?!. My awesome Tia Jackie is taking on the daunting task of making us our wedding cake. She is so much more of a blessing to this family than she realizes. I see mom in her eyes every time she laughs...

Lord, thank you for your continued blessings.

Korina, Justin, How I love you so...

Let me show you

Korina, here, I have a car for you...

Yes, the long awaited car has arrived. With my sister's move, her car needed a home. Her awesome little Hyundai Accent is now for sale. Not only is the Lord so awesome He provided the loan from Shaug and Amy, they also loaned enough for me to pay off my last car....yes, this is all actually true. So, with this blessing all I have to worry about it a small monthly payment with a significantly smaller interest rate.

And may I say, I am so looking forward to creating a home with my man. I have never been more excited about creating a space like I am about ours. My prayer is we will fill our home with joy, and practice hospitality often. Dinners and games with family, times of prayer, worship, a warm home. December here we come! 120 days away....

So, I feel like dancing, like celebrating the Lord's faithfulness. Of course our Father loves us, He is always finding ways to show us, even something as magnificent as the sunrise this morning. Which was so beautiful it looked edible. We praise you Father in the dark, and in the light we sing you songs of joy.

Father you see these widening smiles, you catch these in your gaze. Joy fills our hearts at how you love. We are not certain of anything, but we are certain of you, we are certain of your call. We recognize you Jesus. Let us give back to you all you have given Father.

Generosity - "readiness or liberality in giving."

Overwhelmed I sit in my room basking in the joys of the Lord. Thank those around you who have prayed for you, who have loved you, who have given more than you choose to realize. Live generously.

Illuminate. Be fruitful.

The Beginning (A Simple Seed) - The Classic Crime
p.s The Beginning by Classic Crime (careful, this song even makes me cry) if Gifford or Caitlyn come across this...this is for you guys ;)

A Little Bit...Shiny

I was once told “God sees you like a piece of metal in the grass, you reflect the light so brightly that it can be hard to look at, but unless you abandon your fear, you will be like rust” For that statement I am forever grateful. It can be my motivation to be the one to smile first in the morning, to recognize I have the power to change someone's day by reflecting God. I choose to bring praise for all that is going on right now, because..

Well because, life is beautiful. There is so much worth praising about right now I can't even begin to describe it all. Sure, there are a lot of hard things going on too, but for now, here is the awesome...

I am getting married in 145 days...what?! There is a lot still to do, but Justin and I are thoroughly enjoying every minute of it :D

We have started premarital classes with Ryan and Christen Davis, our old youth pastor from Mountain Christian Center. Our first meeting was so great and we are both so eager to learn more and more from each other.

I went to Monterey with Justin for his birthday last week and we had such a great time, it was a much needed break and being able to spend time with just him really gave me a lot more to look forward to with married life :) His birthday was Friday and we had a great time with Hannah and Ben and his family. I cannot wait for many more with him.

Work is getting better as I am getting into the swing of things more. It is still a challenge, but I know this isn't where God wants me permanently.

I am praying about moving down to Fresno soon. I start school the 17th and I am trying to find work down there.

I am falling in love again every day with my Justin. His passion for what he does, how he works, how he loves, is so overwhelming, so convicting.

God is working on healing my heart, and teaching me encouragement. I am so eager to see where He takes Justin and I, what His plan is for us.

Some prayer requests...

Justin couldn't get a co-signer for his school loan, so, as it stands he will not be attending in the fall, but will need to save and reapply next fall. The financial aid office is going to try and help us some, but we are still waiting to hear back from them. So, just prayer that God's will be done, that we find understanding and peace in the situation. If it does work, that Justin would find affordable housing and be able to transition easily.

I am looking at maybe buying my sister Angie's car, so just that if it is what God wants, that things would go smoothly and work well for the both of us.

That as I get ready for school, God would prepare my heart for the big task ahead of me, I will be full time and working.

I still need a job down in Fresno if I move there. So just prayer that I would find a flexible job that can help me save and cover my monthly expenses. I am looking at Starbucks again as an option and have a applied at a few.

Ok, I know that is all a mouthful, but that is my life as of now :D

I was in church with Justin yesterday. As we were worshiping I could really feel the Holy Spirit moving in the sanctuary. As I looked up in praise I felt God urging me to look at Justin. The way that man worships is so convicting. He is completely consumed in the Lord. He abandons everything and I was so overwhelmed by him I couldn't help but come to tears. The Lord knows just what I need. I need this man, and his heart for the Lord. The way he chooses to live his life urges me to a closer walk with the Lord, and there is nothing more attractive than knowing this man, the man I will marry, loves our God more than me.

Whether or not I chose to live this day for the Lord, the sun still sets and rises in praise, the clouds still mirror that setting sun, the birds still sing, the wind still blows, all for Him. The world moves forward in pursuit of our King, and I will move with it. When I choose to live my life as I was created, when I love as I was created to love, I move in pursuit of the heart of God.

Father take our lives as yours, as we come together, we come to you. Thank you for this life, as much as I have messed it up, I am in awe of your allowance of me to carry your name. Let us glorify you. In healing, in hurt, in the fire, in the quiet, in song, and near the river, in your grace, and in our sin, be magnified.

Illuminate.

Speaking Through The Harmony

What does God have to say to me lately? Well, I don't know honestly. God has never been blunt with me in the ways I would expect Him to be, or the ways I see Him with other believers. Even when I read the word, I am never sure exactly what He has to say specifically, but I do feel a lot better....well, lately at least. There is a lot to the Bible I just don't understand, probably because I don't understand the context. Rob Bell once said "If the bible were made into a movie, there is a lot I wouldn't watch" Which I couldn't agree with more. This thought reminded me of the pseudo-wise words of Stephen Colbert...then I giggled.

"Of course, just because Jesus replaces the Old Testament doesn't mean you should necessarily skip it. That would be like skipping Batman & Robin just because the story starts over in Batman Begins (Starring Christian Bale, Directed by Christopher Nolan. Coincidence?) The important thing to realize is that both the old and the new stories are about an all-powerful being trying to rid the world of evildoers, only in the new one, the Batman can eat pork. (Bat-chops!)" -Stephen Colbert, I Am America(And So Can You!)

As I sift through and try and untie what I feel God is saying I look at my circumstances. I am newly engaged, which is an incredible blessing in it of itself, I am trying to lay down Justin's loan situation (I'll explain in a bit) we will have a house full of people starting tomorrow for Amy's baby shower (yay!), I am trying to figure out the next 6 months of my life, and I feel like there are a thousand plus people I still need to call (if you are one them, I will SOON, I promise) Amidst all of what is going on, it's hard to hear God. Am I where I should be? Is he pleased with me? What do I need to work on spiritually? How can I be a better influence on the people at work? (ah and work...a whole other stress, a good one, but it's exhausting)

So, big prayer requests. Justin needs a cosigner for his school loan. It is the one thing that is keeping us from being able to make plans and just move on with things. He may have a cosigner, but it is still up in the air, and any prayer about the situation is appreciated. I know this is weighing heavy on his heart. I am still asking God to provide a car for me. I need one very soon to get to and from work now seeing as I don't work the same time as my dad anymore. Also, that work itself wouldn't wear on me so much that I am too tired to do much else. It is very demanding and I have much more responsibility now. I am very thankful for even having work, but I am still not used to this new schedule. Ok, praises! Amy's baby shower is Saturday and little Grayson is doing very well! Wedding planning is coming along very well. Justin and I have a date, December 20th! We also have gone over a budget and we have a venue and honeymoon plans and colors and reservations for our wedding night and all this time Justin has been the dream fiance, he is half of this wedding, and has been acting like it! (Also check out our wedding site!) The man is so involved I LOVE it! It is so fun talking about it and we are so chill that we are making decisions easily and quickly which is such a blessing. Ok, onto what God has been doing... :D

Io - Helen Stellar
I have started a new position at Sugarpine as the lead morning cook to Timber Mountain, a smaller, much more rustic, sister camp to Sugarpine, just up the road. I am up at 4:30 in the mornings now to be there in time to cook breakfast for anywhere between 60-120 nine to 13 year olds. Anyway, I am up and ready to go as the sun comes up, and exhausted and ready to sleep as it sets. I know all people used to have to live this way back before electricity, but there is something about it that makes me have a new appreciation for being up that early. There is a new life to the morning, a silent joy that awakens as the sun rises. I was listening to Helen Stellar on the drive to work the other day, a band who has a a sweet but melancholy sound, it's hard to describe. One of their songs, Io, was playing and I realized, my life plays out like a music video. There is a song for every mood, and that morning, it was Io. "This time around, you can be anyone" As I listened to these lyrics I just prayed. God, I don't know what you have to say to me, but today, I choose to be used by you, so that you can speak to someone else.

I have kept praying this prayer in hopes that a specific circumstance would arise...and it came. Today I was sitting with a few staff and a few camp leaders and they started to ask me about my relationship with Justin, how we met, how things progresses etc. etc. It was fun to get to share that story in depth since most of the people I know already know it and have been there to experience it with me. But here, I had an audience fully engaged in what I had to say. I walked away from that conversation feeling so blessed. For the first time I felt like our story, was a testimony. I was able to point it all back to God. It was such a blessing to realize, something as simple as our relationship, all that God had done, could bless these almost strangers to me. One older gentleman stopped me as I was about to walk away and looked me square in the eyes and told me "That just gives me hope of what real love is, you should take every opportunity you get to share that, especially to young girls, Korina. From the work God did on your DTS, to the comfort he brought you with Justin after your moms death...everything in God's timing"
Thank you Father, for being able to bless someone with this life...you have blessed mine more than I can comprehend.

I can hear God speak to me through music, through the lyrics that grab me, through the sound of creation. My feet tap to the rhythm, my voice hums to His song for me. My prayer for Justin and I, that we would be able to sing in joy to whatever song God has for us. Our lives work for your good, our voices for your smile...even if we sing off key :S

'nough said

more pics and details to come! Thank you all for continued prayers :D

The Lyrics For Today

Love is real
It is not just in novels or the movies
It is fact
And it is standing here right in front of you
So if you open your eyes
Oh what a sweet discovery
There is hope, and there is joy, and there is acceptance
So now let all of the light that collects on your plants
Keep you warm, make you smile
And I will be there with this pen in my hand
To record all the while
You'll be laughing so loud
That the house would shake with sound
And everything will be as new as the day it was found
Love is real
It is not just in long distance commercials
Or something that you thought you felt back in high school
So I will turn black and white
Become that horoscope you're reading
It predicts something good is on its way
Oh, and then I will send you the world green and blue
In a box through the mail
You can open it up, hold it right in your hand
And be glad that it's there
And be glad that you're there
Now, you can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untie
And suddenly it's not so hard to say you're all right
Love is real
It is not just in poetry and stories
It is truth, and it will follow you
Everywhere you go from now on
So if you'd just cast off your doubt
Then your lips would answer for you
Oh my darling, when you smile, it is like a song
And I can hear it now
And I can hear it now
And I can hear it now
Yes, I can, I can, I can
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
Yeah, I can, I can, I can
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
Yeah, I can, I can, I can
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
-Kathy With A K Bright Eyes

They're tearing up streets again.
They're building a new hotel.
The Mayor's out killing kids to keep taxes down,
and me and my anger sit folding a paper bird,
letting the curtains turn to beating wings.
Wish I had a socket-set to dismantle this morning.
And just one pair of clean socks.
And a photo of you.
When you get off work tonight,
meet me at the construction site,
and we'll write some notes to tape to the heavy machines,
like "We hope they treat you well. Hope you don't work too hard.
We hope you get to be happy sometimes."
Bring your Swiss-army knife, and a bottle of something,
and I'll bring some spray paint and a new deck of cards.
Hey I found the safest place to keep all our tenderness.
Keep all our bad ideas. Keep all our hope.
It's here in the smallest bones, the feet and the inner-ear.
It's such an enormous thing to walk and to listen.
I'd like to fall asleep to the beat of you breathing
in a room near a truck stop on a highway somewhere.
You are a radio. You are an open door.
I am a faulty string of blue Christmas lights.
You swim through frequencies.
You let that stranger in, as I'm blinking off and on and off again.
We've got a lot of time.
Or maybe we don't, but I'd like to think so, so let me pretend.
These are my favorite chords.
I know you like them too.
When I get a new guitar, you can have this one and sing me a lullaby.
Sing me the alphabet.
Sing me a story I haven't heard yet.
-My Favorite Chords The Weakerthans

Oh, my life is changing everyday,
In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quiet as it seems,
Never quiet as it seems.
I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.
I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.
And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.
Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams,
It's never quiet as it seems,
'Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.
-Dreams The Cranberries

Lay It Down

There is plenty God has blessed me with, but my withholding from the Lord, will keep me from truly knowing Him. Tonight, I wanted to sleep, but God kept calling my name, kept beckoning me near Him. Being nearer to the light means being more exposed of all the crap I sink myself in. Lately I have gotten in the habit of being a big fat hypocrite and saying I am letting go of control, but even my prayers include "then I" or "so I". Tonight was a huge conviction of realizing, surrender is more than a prayer. I know this, and yet I avoided it, skirted around it, even preached it and didn't do it. I choose to lay it all down..will you join me?
I am surrendering it all
My future
My work
My father
My goals
My car
My finances
My ambitions
My guilt
My mom
Justin
I am laying them down before God, and I just want to encourage anyone who runs across this to take a minute to lay even what seems menial down before God. Make Him first, because His heart weeps for ours, for our hurts, our needs. He needs us as we need Him.
Today so many beautiful things happened. I can really appreciate what God is doing, by recognizing what He has done. Today God gave me many memories, one of which included a dream turned reality. I took it all in as I sat next to Justin at Sonic. There we were, an old fashioned kind of love, in the early summer, at the drive through, with our cold drinks, after a bike ride on the cruisers, listening to oldies, dreaming together. God gave us that moment. He orchestrates our dreams into reality everyday, if we can just recognize it. I will fail to recognize God's calling of my name if I do not let go of all this muck.

Here is a song that is stirring in me, if you want the mp3, I will gladly e-mail it to you :)

Jesus, All For Jesus

Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.

For it's only in Your will that I am free,
For it's only in Your will that I am free,
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

Robin Mark, Revival In Belfast

Life is something wonderful. Praise our God who forgives, who heals, who redeems. In the grand scheme of things, what I choose to stress about will not matter. I want to be an encouragement, a joy, I want to radiate, not be slanderous. There a thousand plus things I am in the dark about, that are out of my control, but the Lord will be my constant.

Love without condition

Illuminate the dark

Ketchup

So, the events of the last few weeks have been a whirlwind of something quite fantastic. Let's see, my Justin graduated Hope College in Michigan. My trip out there with Shaug and Amy was incredible. I watched with much pride as J accepted his pretend diploma ( a real one will be issued to him soon haha)

It was such gorgeous weather in Holland. We visited the "beach" there along Lake Michigan and enjoyed the quaint downtown Holland. Once we got Justin packed up we headed on the road, first stop Chicago! We made our way across the states, seeing awesome and very important landmarks like the U.S.'s only landlocked lighthouse...or the worlds largest thermometer. We got to visit out friends Steve and Shelly in Parker, Colorado and see downtown Denver. We did so much, it's hard to include everything, but it will be a trip we will never forget. The day before Justin's grad we found out his family had moved to Fresno, so he is living there now. It's hard, but we are working it out. Yesterday we celebrated our one year dating anniversary, since we were on the road for our real one back on the 10th. So, it was a day of shopping for new school clothes for J, dinner, a baseball game, and lots of wonderful conversation.
So, we could use some prayer, for some pretty big things coming up. Praise God Justin got his financial aid package from the Culinary Institute and it was much more than expected, but he still needs some money. So our prayers include, financial aid for Justin, a car for both of us, clarity on big future stuff, God's direction, our work situations, our families. Today was my final day of class so praise God for that! Also, Justin has likely landed a job at a restaurant in Fresno, so another big praise God for that. Amy is doing well and the baby is doing great, a very healthy and pretty spot on pregnancy so that is wonderful. My niece Amanda is graduating high school soon. Relay for Life turned out well, all the madness before hand paid off and it was a very healing time for me and I am sure many others.
Ok, time for some brutal honesty
I am stressed, I don't feel stressed, but my body says otherwise
I am praying about school in the fall, and just God's direction in general
I don't paint nearly as often as I used to
Shaugs heart for his family is humbling
Realizing my mom won't be around for the next few years of my life, including big things like my future wedding day, my kids, is sinking in now and it sucks
I am a huge fan travel, but a bigger fan of experiencing firsthand
Justin's ambition and willingness to do follow the Lord overwhelms me in all the right ways, I'm going to marry that man one day
I am certain now there are moments God shares with us, where we see ourselves as others do, and it can be wonderful, and it can be devastating, but in those moments I have to choose to see me as God does, despite what I now understand about myself
I am hungry for a deeper understanding of what I say I believe in
Relationships require more selflessness than I am usually willing to give
I am hungry for independence
Control over my life will paralyze me, love will make me move
Pray with the one you love, daily, it pays off
Alright, that was my random catch you up the life of Korina blog, nothing poetic for now. But I will cop out and leave you with a poetic quote

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)”

Finally

Tomorrow I will run and jump into the arms of my love and give him a long awaited kiss hello. Yes, I know you all just threw up in your mouths a little, but if this is the reason why, then it is worth it. I have come to realize just how much I need this man, and after tomorrow, I won't have to say goodbye for months at a time anymore. He is graduating with honors from Hope College in Holland, Michigan and in the fall he is attending the Culinary Institute of America in Napa, California! Praise God! I am so proud of Justin, and completely honored to be by his side as he begins this next stage of his life. If you think of it, continue to lift him up in prayer, that God would continue to guide and direct him. Pray that more than anything, our God would be glorified by the life Justin so obediently and joyfully chooses to live.

....a little blind sometimes

I sat out on the deck with my notebook and an apple. I propped my feet up on the black rail and looked out over the valley before me, taking in the sun and wind and buzzing of bees. As I bit into the apple I remember what I was told once in third grade "people used to eat apples to clean their teeth Korina" said my teacher Mrs. Seymore. I remember her name to this day because of a ridiculous strategy my my mom used to use to help me memorize things. "See!" she demonstrated with her hand over her eyes as if to peer off at a far away land, "more" and made a big round ball shape with her arms. I will never forget Mrs. Seymore. She usually wore a loose floral patterned jumper with a white turtle neck, and some sort of over-sized beads around her neck that would hit her knees as she walked. I don't understand why such petite women will drape themselves in clothes so much. Oh yes, and a pin, a big colorful bejeweled pin gaudy in all it's glory. Behind her picturesque primary school teacher facade hid a sweet demeanor and ability to awaken the imagination in ways I still apply to this day on the deck.
I sat there stumped as to what exactly I would write in my composition notebook. I could jot down the days events, descriptions of the tall windy grass, the cloudless sky, etc etc, but I was bored, and part of me wanted to write down something extraordinary...you know, in case I should die and have someone find my notebook ;) So I sat....
Seymore Korina
See more Korina
See...more
I want to see more. I like to think imagination is the minds way of finding things to dream about.
Imagination should not be taken for granted. It cannot be understood by logic or lived without creativity. Imagination can be lost in adulthood and regained in boredom of all things. When there is nothing left to fix, nothing left to organize, there is the wonder of the human mind. Children have an incredible ability to create with their minds. When I gain a childlike spirit, I gain imagination, my heart can be lost in it's own story. I feel like if I can awaken my mind, I can awaken my soul, I can be fully alive, I can gain the sense of wonder I feel when I realize I am alive. Some people just need to be reminded they have a beating heart, to realize they aren't coincidence.

"Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -John Eldridge

I felt Amy's baby move last week and I heard his heartbeat the week before. Each time it is such an emotional and moving thing. I am excited and full of wonder at this growing living baby getting ready to greet us. God is creating in Amy, as I type this that baby is being shaped, and I am still reminded of the wonder of life, and my mind imagines again.

What good can I be if I am not alive? What glory can my selfish lifelessness bring God?

Thank you little one for reminding me of the wonder of life created, thank you God for the reminder of life lived.

I have to say love is a wonderful reminder of the beauty of the world. Amy was right, when you are away from the man you love the world just gets ...well kind of gray. Yes, I can still smile and engage in conversations, I can still live, but I am not vibrant. The world does bloom when I am with Justin. I finally get to see him in 15 days.

"Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great." -Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

I daily praise God for the amazing love He has chosen to give us. There has been so much growth in our relationship over the last year, especially in our time apart. It is probably one the most difficult things I have ever done or ever will do, but the good things, the things worth waiting for were never gained without adversity. Sometimes the simple absence of him in my life is bigger than the presence of others. But I will keep smiling and singing and praising. I will continue to be fully alive in Christ, and I know that he will too. Thank you God for being my life source, thank you for giving us the realization of our imperfections, and the heart to seek our worth in you alone.

One of the very last things she told me "Keep singing Bean"
I will, I promise.

Thank you God for imagination, for the beauty of love, and the eyes to behold the wonder of Your creation.

See more.

Lost In Translation

“Prayer is translation. A man translates himself into a child asking for all there is in a language he has barely mastered.”
-Leonard Cohen

I find myself speechless when it comes to communication with God. I know there is nothing I could say that He hasn't heard. There are no songs I could sing that He hasn't had sung to Him, no poems I could recite that weren't covered in Psalms. That however, is not the point of devotion. My words can only say so much, our human languages can only express so many feelings, especially English. Yet, I will say them. I will sing these songs. My God is listening to the words I am singing but more so He is watching how my heart beats, how my soul longs for Him when I sing these songs. The minuscule words I could say to God do not even match the lack of understanding I have of Him. He reaches beyond all I know, all I have read about, all I could wrap my mind around. I ran across this older video of my nephew Anthony saying a prayer, and I wonder sometimes if this is how most prayers begin to sound to God, child like, rehearsed, like maybe your mom is making you or perhaps even genuine. Also, I can hear my moms voice again if even for a second. Either way, it reminded me of how I can tend to communicate with God, and how He still sees me in my ignorance, in my lack of understanding, as His child.

This is why I feel lost sometimes. I have never doubted my God's presence in my life, or His vastness, I do feel lost in translation however. I know when God is trying to speak to me, but I sometimes struggle with feeling like I understand what exactly He is saying. What does God ask of me? What exactly does He mean when He says that?
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we need fellowship, why we need the word.
I remember most of my life I would go to my mom and ask her for interpretations of my dreams, for some guidance as to what God could mean by this or that. Learning to ask others...has been difficult. I know so much of why I would go to her was because I trusted her, I trusted her walk with God. I took that time for granted. I figured I would always have her to bounce things off of. Now saying "I love you" or "I need you" I will be generous in expressing. Those that I go to for reassurance, for guidance and prayer, they play a priceless role in my life. They are my translators after the Word. I definitely cannot take for granted the wisdom of my older brothers and sisters. I look up to them so much for all they have experienced and spoken into my life. There are countless other adults in my life that have help to guide me to a closer walk with the Lord, and for them I am also incredibly grateful for.
One person I never expected to give me a new perspective was this friend of mine, Justin. He would always chime in with this view on what God had to say, in ways I never would have thought of on my own. As my friend, and fellow believer, I looked up to him in so many ways. The way he chose to lead, the way he loved his God faithfully, down to the way he always seemed so secure in his walk, secure in what God was doing. Really it became quite attractive. "There is nothing more attractive than a man who loves the Lord" my mom used to say. She also said "Korina, now I am not saying that you are going to marry Justin, but I sure hope you marry someone who loves you as much as he does" This was about five months before words were ever spoken between him and I about relationship, and only three months before she passed away. I am learning to trust that God is speaking to Justin, about our relationship, learning to let go of control, to know that God is guiding him, who is guiding us, wow. Thank you God for another translator. Yes, Justin is only human, and it is his acknowledgment of this that reassures me of God's control in our relationship. I am also reminded consistently by my Justin to go ...outside. He knows where I hear my God best, and he encourages it always..another wow. Thank you God for the blessing of this man, thank you for the patience you give us in our time apart. We keep our eyes on you, as you orchestrate this in way we never imagined.

God keep me grounded, be my life giving water. I speak to God too often of needs, and not enough of praise. Speak to me the way you always have, in the quiet song of trees and grass, in the singing of sparrows, in the rush of the stream. I will listen, this is the language I know.
So, for those of you who read this for updates in the life of Korina...here it goes :)

My last day at the Cool Bean is the 15th, and work at Camp Sugarpine is going great
I am still on the car hunt :S Getting desperate
Justin finally heard from the Culinary Institute about his admission and they extended the dates for letting him know if he got in until mid-April ...frustrating I know
Amy and Shaug and I are for sure going out to Michigan for Justin's grad, and driving him home cross country..woohoo!
I got even more financial aid! Praise God!

Prayer requests
PATIENCE in every sense of the word
For continued health of Amy and Shaug's bun in the oven :)
A car
Justin's acceptance into the Culinary Institute

Thank you again for reading :)

It's Going to SPACE!

Traffic Lights and Dolls

Sometimes all the elements align...
Sometimes a combination of torrents of rain and wind and thunder and lightning, mixed with good mood music and thoughts of all I miss is all it takes to gain perspective... and all it takes for me lose it.
What is my deal?! Here I am completely content and happy, and as soon as I am alone in the car with the ingredients for disaster, that is all it takes. Not that my situation was any bit disastrous, in fact quite the opposite, I just realized how sensory I am. God speaks to me in His creation without a doubt, that is how I have always heard Him and probably always will. Perhaps I am the doubting Thomas that needs to touch and feel to know and understand. Part of me is a Thomas, but all of me wants to be like Christ.
This part of me that could be so sensitive really annoys me. But there is no getting around who I am. I mean I don't cry at Hallmark commercials, in fact I cry at very little, but as Justin can attest to, I am becoming more comfortable with this female side of myself. Especially the part that cares more deeply for people and relationship. Don't worry I am not about to get a hot pink convertible and dump Justin for some guy named Ken...but I am working on being a bit more honest with who I am, and I am not the girl who wanted to blend in with the guys anymore. I am learning to feel again, and there was no getting around God's tap on my shoulder tonight.
Honestly, I just really miss Justin. I know it seems ridiculous to some people, but for those that don't understand what a separation like this does to people, it wears on you. I just spent a week with zero communication with the man because he went on a mission trip as a leader, where there were no cell phones allowed. Now that may seem really trivial to some people, but it was really difficult. He is home now and we are doing better, but hey, it's still hard not to have this other half of me. He is leading us under God's calling and direction. Also, for the record, I am way happy with where we are. I know God is doing a lot in our lives during this time and for that I am eternally grateful. Also, Amy and Shaug and I are going for his grad...40 days! Side note: you know they love you when they love you all day, before make up and after. You know they love you when you can as silly and ridiculous as you were as a kid, and they act the same. You know they love you when the respect you enough to love God before you, always.
The other thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is my mom. Frankly I just miss her. That comes in waves. Some weeks aren't so bad, some are more difficult. This week was tough. I am reminded of her so much when it storms out. She would get us kids so excited when it would storm, hot coca, cinnamon toast, blankets, movies, cuddling, yeah...amazing mom! (Thanks for the cocoa Shauggy!) And she always encouraged us to just enjoy a good storm. I never remember having a fear of lightning or thunder "The angels are bowling!" "Heaven is playing a good worship song!" So there we would sit, in wonder of God's amazing power.
All these thoughts came to mind on the drive home, and as I sat at the intersection in Oakhurst, I watched the lights change colors as they reflected off the sopping asphalt. The windshield wipers moving to the beat of the music. There were no cars, and no people. It was just me in that storm, under those ever persistent changing lights, under the thousands of drops of rain crashing into my windshield. Sometimes I think of how lonely those traffic lights must get....then I remember they are just lights. This is what Toy Story did to me, made me feel bad for abandoned things that have no life. Curse you Woody!
Anyway, as I was saying, this drive home gave me perspective, I was driving home. Home. I have a home to go to, a family to meet me there. I really miss Justin, I greatly miss mom, but God is giving me what I need in the meanwhile. Including a storm to show His power. Hope for the sun, hope for tomorrow. Yeah they say it's dangerous to drive in a storm, but if you get a chance to sit in your car in the pouring rain, while listening to some truly great music, I would encourage that. No matter where you go, God will find you, even under the traffic lights blinking off and on...and off again.
This world feels lonely these days, but I would learn nothing if all I ever were was happy. I certainly have a lot to look forward to, and I do not mean to sound like I am complaining at all, in fact, I am amazed at what God blessed me with tonight. But there are slow motion moments in life...like tonight. Things can seem awful dramatic with God, and sometimes they are just simply beautiful.
I leave you with a favorite quote from a man who oddly thinks too much like I do...
“Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.”
-Jack Handy

"Smile Like You Mean It"

There are some people who are always smiling...always. Jessica Astorga, Eric Radman, Kelli Ramsay, Angelina Gutierrez, Laura Schlett...sometimes I wonder if these people just got good at faking it, the part of me that doesn't smile that often wants to believe that. But the part of me that understands that some people, though few, can maintain joy as a gift, as in they do it better than others, it is a gift.
This next week a group of college students are being led to Queens NY to minister and serve people in need of the love of Christ. Some may have that infectious smile naturally, some may need to work on it. My prayer is that this week in particular, every smile, on every face, would catch fire, that it would spread, and that the joy of the Lord would reside in their hearts in excess so they can hand it out to all the encounter.
My heart yearns for the kind of joy and discipline it takes to be that kind of person. Not just a happy person, but a radiant person, one who can hardly contain the joy of God. It takes a closeness to the heart of God to be filled like that, so I will seek Him. Today I realized I have been wrong in a lot of ways, made some dumb decisions, and been through some pretty crappy situations, but through how many of those circumstances was I smiling? Very few, if any.
I don't want my love and need for God to be dependent on my circumstance, His love for me doesn't depend on circumstance. In my yearning for this, God has placed a man in my life, and is teaching me to love for all it means. I see Justin daily put himself on the back burner, not only for myself, but for countless others, and the amazing thing is, he doesn't even realize. He is the kind of leader that steps back so that the people he leads can be the best they can be, when they need to be, for glory of God. That is why he is leading this trip to Queens, because he can lead without even meaning to, people assume his leadership. He smiles and doesn't even realize it. It is easy to love him.
We are growing and learning everyday, and in that growth, in the midst of the vulnerability, we love each other. For someone to choose to love me even after knowing all the gross, all the human parts of me, that is the kind of love only God could provide. His smile is contagious, especially his big ear to ear grin :D
Things are hard lately, it's overwhelming to look to the future, it's overwhelming to look at the week, even today, but I am smiling. I am giddy. God's peace is astounding in these circumstances, because through all of that God isn't going to gain any glory in me being a whiner.
Ok, onto the practical update stuff...
I am going to start working full time up at Camp Sugar Pine in a bit, I will update more as that happens.
Shaug and Amy are having a baby boy! (any name suggestions?)
Shaug and Amy and I are planning out a trip to Michigan in May for Justin's grad, sooo awesome!
Justin and I are thoroughly enjoying the pace at which our relationship is going, haha even amidst many marrying friends
God is opening so many doors and closing others it's exciting
Pray for Justin's trip to NY, for safety, discernment, and many many influenced lives
Still looking for a car
Pray about a peace about the Culinary Institute for Justin, that he would get his acceptance letter this week

(we are like PB&J...we decided)
I am ready for new, I am to take His open hand, I am ready
and I will smile, even if it's not my strong suit ;)

Lunchables and Jesus

I was listening to Switchfoot's song "Let that be enough" today. I love how relevant music can be...
"Let me know that you love me, and let that be enough"

Let That Be Enough - Switchfoot
I have been thinking a lot recently about my fear of man vs. my fear of God. Honestly I often fear peoples opinions of me, and that bothers me. Don't get me wrong, I like to be liked, but to let peoples opinion of me overshadow God's opinion, well something is wrong there. And since when was knowing God loved me not enough?
I was thinking the other day how much approval of your peers is etched into daily living. When I was 8, all that mattered was what kind of snack you brought to school, kids would heartlessly prod at you for bringing an apple, or in my case, a tupperware full of day old spanish rice...if you didn't have lunchables, you were poor. And so my entire existence was ruined by the fact that my parents wouldn't spend 4 dollars a day on a few crackers, imitation pepperoni, and processed cheese..with a side of corn syrup infused Hi-C. And in 7th grade I committed social suicide in my sneakers from Payless, instead of wearing the must-have Adidas with the two white stripes on the side. I wanted to be free of it, I wanted to be like this kid...

It is amazing what we choose to define us. But my fear of what people think has always been a factor to some extent of most of my decisions. The ones that seem crazy to me, those one's I didn't base on others' opinions of me, those decisions are the best I have ever made. The decision to go into YWAM, to move across the globe, that decision meant an abandonment of my fear of man. My life's path has taken many directions, but the ones I will never regret are the ones I chose on my fear of the Lord first.
I want God's love to be sufficient for me. When I feel like I haven't attained a worthy enough goal, I need to know that God still loves me, and He knows I haven't given up, or lost potential, or abandoned anything. In fact, I am just nearly beginning my call. My heart is stirring at what the Lord has in store.
I know I am good at a lot of little things, and for those things I am thankful, and they have purpose. For now, I await to be swept of in a grand adventure. "I call, You answer and You came to my rescue and I want to be where You are" God is preparing my heart for what I will do for the rest of my life, I may not know what it is, but it is going to seem crazy to a lot of people, even people I love, and that is ok. I am falling in love with my Father again, He is showing me love I never knew existed, and that kind of love intimidates people, it puts fear into their hearts. I want to encourage a fear of the Lord in the hearts of men...the kind of fear that overwhelms and sweeps you off your feet, leads you to fall to your knees in awe. God is sweeping over with His blessings.
Tonight I spent time with my wonderful family. I am amazed at the kind of love we all carry. I can't help but think of how happy mom must be to see us all together laughing and playing games with each other. There was so much joy in my heart today because of the support they are to me. I see God in each of their hearts, and I am amazed at where He has brought us. Praise God for all he is doing...I watched my nieces and nephews tonight amazed at how big they are all getting...especially the one in the oven ;)
Today I also thought of my Justin. He continues to overwhelm me with the kind of love He gives. I know He gets that kind of love from the Father, which is why it amazes me so much. I got to spend an amazing weekend in Holland with him and had just an incredible time. We had a blast ad I was reminded of all I love about him, especially his ability to be silly, and be a kid at heart without a care in the world :D His encouragement through what has been a tough few weeks has been a gift and blessing beyond explanation. The joy my heart has because of him just makes me cry. I feel so undeserving of the blessing he has been. His love is simply healing. "When the love spills over, and music fills the night, and you just can't contain your joy inside, then dance for Jesus, dance for Jesus and live" My Justin, thank you for the joy you bring. I am insanely proud of you and the hard work you have done. You challenge me to hear God's voice everyday, to seek Him, and know His heart. Thank you for that. We are getting closer honey, and God is moving in spectacular ways to get us there. I love you :)
Today was rainy, and with the clean air it brings I am breathing in a refreshing breath of air. I am thankful for God's redeeming love. I am thankful for the excitement of storms. For the unexpected blessing He brings, and the abandonment of my fear of man. I am thankful for a renewed perspective. Thank you God for the challenges you brought this week, hey even this year. Thank you for your love, it is enough..
"In my life be lifted high, in my world, be lifted high, in our love, be lifted high"

Today I...

Today my dog stood regally on the porch in the early morning her eyes slightly closed as if to gaze off at a far away place. The wind silently whispered its way around her and the dark sky loomed intimidatingly on. Today a bucket, two pitchers, an old pan and 2 cups served as a water reservoir. They caught the persistent leak in the ceiling. Each drip and splatter became a song in the quiet foggy windowed coffee shop. The rain came in buckets today, it pounded on tin roofs and car hoods creating a percussion of highs and lows. Today car headlights reflected off the sopping asphalt. Yellow store lights were lit from the inside out. Today the lights and reflections created a starry sky on the ground beneath the blackened sky above. Today the road became like colored glass in a dark church, or like the still ocean off the shore of the city. Today things seemed to move upside down, our town became Tim Burton-esque. Today dreams crept into reality and imaginations went wild. Lazy tired oak tress whined and moaned in their old age. Their long rigid branches creaked and curled in the damp air. Today the wind howled and whistled it's way through valleys, whispering into the ears of old homes telling them of the fury to come. Today a song was sung by creation did you hear it?
Today I listened.
Tomorrow Lance Armstrong will bicycle his way through Oakhurst with a frenzy of other persistent cyclists, creating another kind of fury. Tomorrow the song is less likely to be heard. But tomorrow, while I listen, I will dream. Tomorrow I will dream of spectacular things, where my imagination creates a place for all I miss, and that all that is familiar. Good luck Lance, I hope you hear it too, I hope you find familiar.

Who Were We Kidding

I never really celebrated Valentines Day before, but he is why it was worth the wait. Distance is difficult, but it only makes us appreciate each other more. I just thought you would all like to know why I am still smiling today :D Justin and I were back and forth for a long time without ever really realizing it. Our story has been in the progress of being written, but what has been written so far has been something worth watching. My family can attest to the devotion of this man. He waited a long time for me to just notice that he was looking my direction. But our relationship has been founded in a great friendship, and God slowly opened our eyes to something pretty awesome. Anyway, I am just thankful for everything that has happened to this point. And I am eternally grateful to our Father for guiding us through it.

Justin, when you run across this blog, know that I love you like crazy. I am taking this opportunity to brag about you to whoever reads this blog, which might total like 5 people, but either way, it is a public testament of your awesomeness :D Thank you for loving the Lord first, and being obedient to His leading. Thank you for making me feel like a million bucks everyday. Thank you for your honesty, no matter what. Thank you for choosing me. I love you my J!

-Bean

p.s. I found my old journal from high school yesterday and, go me, I dated every entry, including the day I first laid eyes on you, tryouts for Mid Summer.
November 19th 2002 also this song is for you babe

Gravity - Embrace

Life Is Bigger Than Me

To truly live life is difficult, and at times incredibly overwhelming. Here I sit, mid-week of what has become a crazy schedule. Between work and school I barely have time to breathe let alone sleep and do my homework. Somehow though, God has blessed me with little pockets of time to just take in all He is doing.

I am now working up at Camp Sugar Pine in the kitchen on the weekends. It is hard work, and then shifts are long, but it is such a blessing to have work. I think once I told my boss at the Cool Bean how much my living expenses are, she has more than doubled my work hours, which is even more of a blessing. So, I work Monday through Friday at the bean, Friday through Sunday at the camp, and go to school Tuesdays Thursdays. Phew! I thank God for the moments He has blessed me with to just stop and praise Him. The other day after work I came home to an empty house and I was so ready to just crash in bed, but like a ton weight I found myself staring outside at the gorgeous green grass and rolling hills without a cloud in the sky "Korina, go outside you idiot" So rather than doing what I would have later regretted, I propped my comfy floor pillow out on the deck and soaked in the sun, put on some music and thanked God for the blessing of His creation, for providing that half hour of rest and amazement. In that moment I thought of a lot of things, mostly of my eagerness to just be where I want to be, attain my goals, go where I am called, be what I am supposed to be. Here I am thinking of the exhaustive future, and I am missing the glory around me. Then I remembered what my mom said to me from the Lord once, and my heart was again at peace "Certainly run ahead, take in the glimpses. Dance in the journey. To attain it all, turn around, take my hand and dance with me. Not before me but with me."

There are so many things to plan and look forward to. I am dreaming big dreams with Justin, and we are both seeking the Lord's direction and asking for patience and discernment about when we will commit our lives to each other. That in it of itself is very overwhelmingly awesome, but any prayers you guys could throw out for us are greatly appreciated. He just needs some prayer for perseverance, that he could take it a day at a time and really hear the Lord's voice in his crazy schedule. Also, if you could all be praying about his acceptance into the Culinary Institute. I do not doubt his likelihood to get in, but just him knowing will set his mind at ease. It is so difficult being away from the person God is drawing you near to, but it is doing us so much good. It is just a discipline I never expected. I feel so undeserving of all God has given me with this man. I am so excited to get to go to Holland. In 16 days I will be able to see Justin again and go to Winter Fantasia with him, really I am so excited to dress up and hit the town, and see everybody I met last time all over again too. I will be sure take lots of pictures and facebook em as soon as I can, so no worries ladies, you will all get in on it ;) So, long story short, we are happily dancing in this journey with our Savior.

Life is so over my head it's amazing. All the details and all the planning and complications, and joys and responsibilities, and of course the love that goes into living. After all, God is life, so of course life is bigger than me. My only hope is that the role I am playing in it reflects my makers.

So, I heard a funny thing yesterday. Rick and Sonya Mazaira told me the latest of their daughter Zoey's awesome quotes. In the bathroom stall at Von's Zoey shouted to her mom "Mommy I am a good pooper. Pooping makes you strong!" BAH hahaha, oh man I laughed so hard when I heard that, I thought some of you might appreciate it as well. I was leaning toward retelling a joke my dad made up the other day, but I thought I would spare you all the pain and confusion :S

So, I close on my thought for this week:
Life is big and complex and loud and crazy and we all have a place in it and we all need each other...obviously. What is not so obvious, are the details we will miss in feeling overwhelmed. There could be a moment of quiet you are supposed to find, or confirmation from a friend you need to hear, if you will just be willing to see it, or hear it. This world has a lot of ugly, but it also has a lot of good. Praise God in the ugly then gain sight for the good. And remember pooping makes you stronger!

This Love Is A Symphony

I am living. I am fully alive, and I can breathe again, with the life he has have given me. He once told me he didn't know how he lived before me, and he realized he hadn't. I have come to realize that because we were created to love each other and only each other, we were never completely whole except through Christ. We have discovered the other half of our life source, each other. God has breathed into him and made him alive, and we have become fully alive through Him. It was as if my whole life suddenly worked, things made sense, I could see. This is why I need him. A day gone by without him is a day not fully lived. I am barely breathing without him here. God has been so gracious to he and I in our time apart, with the help of a lot of communication it makes this pain somewhat bearable, but the truth is, I miss him.

There is a moment before the music begins, it's the low tuning of instruments, quiet whispers among the listening audience, a song in it of itself. This builds into a set of music that has built upon itself and built upon itself until all the players are in perfect harmony, each set of musicians playing their role in what is a very powerful and moving piece. None of this move into something extraordinary could happen without the conductor. The conductor stands at his ready, and I am convinced that he delights in that low roar that builds up in the music hall, he smiles at the sound of the music groaning in anticipation for his next move.

And so we are, created to create, or rather, reflect the music.
The audience waits.
The musicians stand their ready, and fire their music into the hearts of men at the command of their leader.