I sit at my computer with my hot chocolate, thinking about how if my mom had been turned onto the blog world, she would have written often. This cold weather reminds me of her more than any other. I had a flash memory of her at Christmas time. It was the Christmas of 2006 before I left for Ireland. I had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room, five days left on the advent calendar, the room was dimly lit by the lights on the tree alone, and my mom sat at the end of the couch, bible and notepad in hand, her cheap, muddy, fifteen-times- reheated coffee on the side table. She had her eyes closed and she was humming an old Keith Greene song, a wide content grin across her face.
When I think of how she loved the Lord, I am shamed. I am sincerely enamored at the way she fell in love with God, as He cradled her there, on the end of the couch, on a stormy December night. I desire the same close walk, so that I can love the way she did. This is from that night...probably around 2 a.m.
I had never remembered the significance of that night, until I remembered...there were five days left on the advent calendar. Little did I know that three years later, on that same night, I would be marrying the man of my dreams. In 50 days I will be marrying the man of my dreams, I will be remembering my mom that night three years earlier. I know she prayed for Justin and I. She waited and prayed and faithfully was assured at the Lord's work within Justin and I. If I learned anything in Ireland, I learned that I loved Justin. I know my mom was praying for my eyes to be opened.
The amazing women of my family threw me the most amazing bridal shower last weekend. I was so overwhelmed at the amount of love and time that went into it. It takes a whole lot to surprise me, but they did it. I sat and listened to them all tell me wonderful stories about love and marriage advice. Hearing all of their perspectives on me and Justin's relationship over the years left me in tears at the blessing of it all. As we get closer to our wedding day I am reassured over and over of God's anointment over us.
I watched Justin hold my nephew Greyson today, something he has had to warm up to. I think the fragility of a baby is intimidating to him. I watched him hold Greyson up in the air and kiss his little forehead. I saw Justin playing with little Mikayla, making her two year old little heart flutter. He loves in a way I could never fully explain, but there is something about his interaction with others that leaves me falling even more deeply in love with him. He doesn't even realize that he loves when he is loving. He holds my head in is hands and reassures me of the Lord's provision, he looks into my eyes when I tell him about my day, he fills up my car with gas, he will open the door for others, he addresses his elders and Mr. and Mrs. There are many things Justin will do that are simple acts of kindness, simple acts of love, that he will never recognize, he will never understand the significance of, just as long as I can be around the rest of his life to be his biggest cheerleader, to open his eyes to it.
In a lot of ways my mom and I are very similar, the main thing being our shared love for a cozy sofa and our bibles, a time of reflection. On a drive we took once, just mom and I, we were listening to a Relient K song. The lyrics "I think I'll go eat cereal and stare out the window" came on and mom said that reminded her of me so much. We both laughed at how true it was, because both of us could so easily get lost in thought, and it usually involved a window and a storm of some sort, and we were usually eating something or drinking something warm, taking in what God had to say.
Life is wonderful lately. Again, I am overwhelmed. Maybe prayer for financial provision, a place for Justin and I to live, and patience for the next 50 days. Those are the big ones. Otherwise, I wake up and see the Lord living, loving, actively, and as we go into this next month, I want to soak up all He has to show us.
I am off to get into some pj,s, cuddle up on the couch with my hot chocolate, and listen to what the Lord has to say.
