Lost In Translation

“Prayer is translation. A man translates himself into a child asking for all there is in a language he has barely mastered.”
-Leonard Cohen

I find myself speechless when it comes to communication with God. I know there is nothing I could say that He hasn't heard. There are no songs I could sing that He hasn't had sung to Him, no poems I could recite that weren't covered in Psalms. That however, is not the point of devotion. My words can only say so much, our human languages can only express so many feelings, especially English. Yet, I will say them. I will sing these songs. My God is listening to the words I am singing but more so He is watching how my heart beats, how my soul longs for Him when I sing these songs. The minuscule words I could say to God do not even match the lack of understanding I have of Him. He reaches beyond all I know, all I have read about, all I could wrap my mind around. I ran across this older video of my nephew Anthony saying a prayer, and I wonder sometimes if this is how most prayers begin to sound to God, child like, rehearsed, like maybe your mom is making you or perhaps even genuine. Also, I can hear my moms voice again if even for a second. Either way, it reminded me of how I can tend to communicate with God, and how He still sees me in my ignorance, in my lack of understanding, as His child.

This is why I feel lost sometimes. I have never doubted my God's presence in my life, or His vastness, I do feel lost in translation however. I know when God is trying to speak to me, but I sometimes struggle with feeling like I understand what exactly He is saying. What does God ask of me? What exactly does He mean when He says that?
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we need fellowship, why we need the word.
I remember most of my life I would go to my mom and ask her for interpretations of my dreams, for some guidance as to what God could mean by this or that. Learning to ask others...has been difficult. I know so much of why I would go to her was because I trusted her, I trusted her walk with God. I took that time for granted. I figured I would always have her to bounce things off of. Now saying "I love you" or "I need you" I will be generous in expressing. Those that I go to for reassurance, for guidance and prayer, they play a priceless role in my life. They are my translators after the Word. I definitely cannot take for granted the wisdom of my older brothers and sisters. I look up to them so much for all they have experienced and spoken into my life. There are countless other adults in my life that have help to guide me to a closer walk with the Lord, and for them I am also incredibly grateful for.
One person I never expected to give me a new perspective was this friend of mine, Justin. He would always chime in with this view on what God had to say, in ways I never would have thought of on my own. As my friend, and fellow believer, I looked up to him in so many ways. The way he chose to lead, the way he loved his God faithfully, down to the way he always seemed so secure in his walk, secure in what God was doing. Really it became quite attractive. "There is nothing more attractive than a man who loves the Lord" my mom used to say. She also said "Korina, now I am not saying that you are going to marry Justin, but I sure hope you marry someone who loves you as much as he does" This was about five months before words were ever spoken between him and I about relationship, and only three months before she passed away. I am learning to trust that God is speaking to Justin, about our relationship, learning to let go of control, to know that God is guiding him, who is guiding us, wow. Thank you God for another translator. Yes, Justin is only human, and it is his acknowledgment of this that reassures me of God's control in our relationship. I am also reminded consistently by my Justin to go ...outside. He knows where I hear my God best, and he encourages it always..another wow. Thank you God for the blessing of this man, thank you for the patience you give us in our time apart. We keep our eyes on you, as you orchestrate this in way we never imagined.

God keep me grounded, be my life giving water. I speak to God too often of needs, and not enough of praise. Speak to me the way you always have, in the quiet song of trees and grass, in the singing of sparrows, in the rush of the stream. I will listen, this is the language I know.
So, for those of you who read this for updates in the life of Korina...here it goes :)

My last day at the Cool Bean is the 15th, and work at Camp Sugarpine is going great
I am still on the car hunt :S Getting desperate
Justin finally heard from the Culinary Institute about his admission and they extended the dates for letting him know if he got in until mid-April ...frustrating I know
Amy and Shaug and I are for sure going out to Michigan for Justin's grad, and driving him home cross country..woohoo!
I got even more financial aid! Praise God!

Prayer requests
PATIENCE in every sense of the word
For continued health of Amy and Shaug's bun in the oven :)
A car
Justin's acceptance into the Culinary Institute

Thank you again for reading :)