"When the effective leader is finished with his work, the people say it happened naturally." -Lao Tse
There was a point in my life I worked constantly for something I believed so deeply in. It was exhausting, it was challenging, it was fulfilling. I worked for something bigger than myself. I worked for a common goal. I was not alone in my work, and I was creating. To go from there to where I am now has been humbling to say the least. I know none of what I did was anything I did on my own, and it was a season of my life, just as this is a season. But to say I miss it would be an understatement.
Knowing you did something to benefit humanity, beyond your lifetime, something, that collectively with others, changes the coarse of history, must be a goal of all mankind. My latest goals have consisted of "Get the laundry done" "Take some more pictures" "Call the bank" etc. etc. A lot less elaborate to say the least. And my fear is that the leader I want to be is turning into a doormat. I am picking up slack and taking a lot of junk I shouldn't be. I am forgetting any vision I once had and getting lost in the everyday. Forgive my griping, it is the Moses in me.
However, there are certain things, certain situations, reminders, that there is purpose in everything. I am convinced my sole purpose for my time at West Coast was to speak into a persons life there. To let God speak through me to him in a way he had never known. If that is all I get out of the time there, that will be enough. I know God is using me to bless strangers daily one coffee cup at a time. I hope He can use me to speak into my family's lives, and help me find ways of blessing them.
I want to lead in the way I live, not in what I speak. I could speak a million words, but create change with the smallest gesture. I have become disappointed in other Christians, or rather, people who once called themselves Christians but decided to live their lives according to themselves instead. I could tell them that my heart breaks at their hurt, and their ultimate decision not to have a walk with God any longer. But it would not be heard. What would be heard, what would be recognized, is the love I give them anyway. That is what God has asked of me. I cannot fix anything, no matter how badly I may want to, I cannot. All I can do is love, and if I cannot learn do that, I can do nothing.
A true leader does not see themselves as a leader, and that is why they lead. I do not like being mistaken as a leader because I take initiative. In all actuality I am a coward, and I would rather follow, or encourage. Unfortunately, leadership comes with so much responsibility, and that scares me. But, once I can realize leading is not about me, it is God in me, He is my bold spirit, he is my strong heart, hope and vision, then extraordinary things will happen. In being a disciple I can lead without even realizing. Jewish disciples used to be known for the dust they would have on their garments from walking so close behind their masters steps. I hope that I can be the dustiest leader. Because I follow a King.
When I see other leaders in my life, truly influential individuals, I can learn how to best lead. My mom taught me hope. My dad teaches me grace. Shaug teaches me integrity. Amy teaches me selflessness. Angie teaches me patience. Justin teaches me love. Padraig taught me forgiveness. Alex taught me to be kind, just to name a few. God teaches me through them. I walk among giants. I surround myself with leaders. I hope that I learn from them. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, haha.
On a lighter note:
It is highly likely I will get to pick up my car this week! Ah, finally, thank you Jesus. I am done at West Coast on the 30th of this month. I am going to try and get a job at Erna's Elderberry House in the bakery. I turn 21 in 12 days...woah. Relationally, I am loving being with my family who are my greatest friends. I am very much in love with my best friend Justin. I get to go to Michigan in 30 days! Ah vacation. And of course, I am baffled at the love of my Father, His wonderful creation, and the complex wonder that is man made in his image.
Adieu
-Bean