Prayer

"It is not the only thing we can do right now, it is the best thing we can do right now" My sister told me this the other day and it really struck home for me. I was reminded that in these trying times God is not just our hope, he is our essential need, our sustenance. I will try and be as helpful as possible in keeping all of you up to date on what is going on in my life and right now, my mom is what is going on. So at the top of the "Things I Need To Blog About" list is this:

Halloween Day (October 31st) My mom went in for surgery at Stanford University Medical Center. This is one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country so we knew she would be in good hands. These doctors were planning on doing a major surgery for my mom that would include a removal of the tumor and surrounding area and a permanent colostomy. Most of my siblings, my father and I, waited in the waiting room to greet my mom after the two hour surgery.

Around 3 in the afternoon the doctor came out to speak with us. He didn't look well. My first thought was "He is out too early, God please don't tell me..." He sat all of us down and said that he opened mom up and decided he could not proceed with the surgery because her cancer had spread throughout her abdominal lining, kind of like sand, and it was too much and too far advanced for him to be able to do anything. We all sat there with our guts having just been punched out and waited eagerly for my mom to come into recovery so we could see her.

A few hours later we all talked with her and somehow, I could see, she already knew. Long story short, we talked with her oncologist and she of course recommended chemotherapy but also that it would not completely heal my mom, just prolong her life by a short while. She didn't give her a long time, but she gave her enough to get through the holidays. Of course this, to me, is just a number and time according to man is vastly different according to the Lord.

Since she had been home from Stanford she was in a progressively serious amount of pain which escalated to the point that we had to take her to the emergency room. Once there, they pumped her full of morphine and now she will be staying there through this week until we can get hospice set up for her at home. I know things are looking grim, but I have faith that whatever is in God's will, will be fulfilled.

My mom is talking with the Lord throughout the day, she is content knowing our whole family is here together for the first time in a long time, and she wants for us to remember that she belongs to the Lord, and not to us. She is praising him in this, and so should the rest of us, no matter how hard it can be to do so.

I don't know how long I have with her, but I know that the time I do have, will be spent just simply loving her and loving her children.

I really appreciate all of your prayers and concerns and if any of you have tried to contact me, please understand it is not my intention to ignore you and I know this may help you to understand more where I am coming from. I do however just plead with you all to be praying when you think of her.

This is what is consuming my life right now. Outside of this, I am pretty sure I have a job now where I will be working with my good friend Hannah at a photo imaging place here in town. I am trying to look forward to the holidays with my family and friends. Also, I have been praying about a possible option for the future as far as school and ministry and whatnot. I will keep you all posted.

Also, just a reminder, I am not writing this for your sympathy but for your prayers. I am so thankful that so many of you are concerned for us, but God is good. He is so much bigger than we like to make Him and so capable of much more than any of us could imagine.

"Keep your eyes off the water, look up to the Lord" My mom's advice for all of us :)